- Lorne Malvo: [after shooting three people] This one's on you. I worked this guy for six months, Lester. Six months. Can you imagine the number of sour mouths I put my hands in? The gallons of human spit? Plus the hundred thousand bounty down the toilet, but still, the look on his face when I pulled the gun? Classic, huh?
- Jemma Stalone: Oh, mick mike. I just keep pinching myself.
- Lorne Malvo: Well, honey, you've earned it. It's like my mama always said, "boys, if you like the milk, buy the freakin' cow."
- Jemma Stalone: Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I am gonna stick my whole thumb up your ass later.
- Lorne Malvo: Aces.
- Lorne Malvo: [Referring to Gus & Molly's wedding picture] Of course no one hangs the sad pictures. Am I right? Mom crying and dad looking angry. Kid with a black eye.
- Burt Canton: She stopped putting it in her mouth soon as the ring went on her finger.
- Lorne Malvo: Well, that's a national tragedy, Burt.
- Lou Solverson: Now, I saw something that year I ain't ever seen, before or since.
- Lou Solverson: I'd call it animal... except, animals only kill for food.
- Lou Solverson: This was...
- Lou Solverson: Sioux Falls. Ever been?
- Lorne Malvo: 'Course, no one hangs the sad pictures, am I right? Mom crying and dad looking angry. The kid with the black eye...