- Sebastian Graves: Trust you? Trust you? Because of you, the head of the World Health Organisation is dead and Harry Potter has AIDS. You managed to do in three seconds what Voldemort failed to do in eight movies!
- Sebastian Graves: Nobby, meet the head of the biggest crime syndicate in the world.
- Nobby: What, she runs FIFA?
- Nobby: She's gonna release this deadly virus, and it's gonna kill poor people like us, because she thinks that we are scum.
- Paedo Pete: Bloody hell, Nobby, we are scum.
- Nobby: Well, you are, Pete. You're a registered sex offender. That's not a compliment.
- Sebastian Graves: Congratulations, by the way. When are you due?
- Dawn Grobham: Oh, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fucking fat.
- Sebastian Graves: Are you okay?
- Nobby: [puffing on two cigarettes] No, I'm not okay. I just did an entirely white poo.
- Nobby: And this here is Luke. We call him that because he's got leukemia.
- Sebastian Graves: I'm so sorry.
- Nobby: He doesn't really. We just shave his head so we can claim the welfare for it.
- Sebastian Graves: What?
- Nobby: You know what? You're looking at a potential gold mine up there. This tragedy can turn into 65 pound 40 a week.
- Joris Smit: Did you really think I'd let you sleep with my wife, Mr. Graves?
- Nobby: No. But then again, I never thought that she'd chop up me poo with a coat hanger.
- Sebastian Graves: Either you suck, or I die.
- Nobby: Hmm, what would you like written on your gravestone then?
- Nobby: Ooh, heroin that's a gateway drug that.
- Sebastian Graves: Gateway? A gateway to what?
- Nobby: More heroin.