- Bart Simpson: Without award shows, how would we know what movie has the best beheading, or that Glee is a comedy?
- Moe Szyslak: Wait, wait, wait! Can you help me with my self-esteem?
- Lady Gaga: I'm not that good.
- Moe Szyslak: Right, gotcha.
- Homer Simpson: Let's go see Lady Gaga. Maybe that will turn that frown upside-down.
- Lisa Simpson: It's not a frown, it's a straight line of resignation. It's the same upside-down as right-side-up.
- Lady Gaga: Listen up, Lisa. This pity party is being shut down by the smile police.
- Lisa Simpson: This isn't about me, this is all about you! "Hello! Hello, Springfield! Look at me and my purple hair!" Well, I denounce thee!
- Lady Gaga: Wha?
- Lisa Simpson: I denounce thee for giving people false expectations they can never fulfill! I denounce thee for making people think social acceptance and walking in heels is easy!
- Lady Gaga carrier: Can we kill the kid?
- Lisa Simpson: I denounce thee! I denounce thee! I denounce thee!
- Lady Gaga: Whoa! Easy there, little monster.
- Lisa Simpson: Don't monster me!
- Lady Gaga: Okay, Lisa.
- [Leaves crying]
- Lisa Simpson: Are you crying glitter?
- Lady Gaga: Tiny diamonds. Hurts like hell.
- Lady Gaga: Now you only have one thing to do to become a little monster.
- Lisa Simpson: I'll do anything! But no singing.
- Lady Gaga: You gotta sing!
- Lisa Simpson: Let me explain, I have a chance for a grim and tolerable life but only if I give up hope. Now if you don't mind, and with all due worship, I would like to be alone
- Bart Simpson: Lady Gaga, meet your biggest threat, Baby GooGoo.
- [Maggie walks in, wearing a Gaga style dress and high heels]
- Lisa Simpson: Can I please be alone?
- [Gaga and Bart leave, Maggie waits by the door to place a pacifier on Lisa's bed before following. Lisa spots the pacifier]
- Lisa Simpson: Well, it worked once...
- [Lisa starts sucking on the pacifier to try and calm herself down]