- [Archer drives off in a limousine Malory wanted]
- Malory Archer: Son of a bitch!
- Pam Poovey: YOUR words.
- Lana Kane: I'm serious. I want it on record that I think this is a terrible plan.
- Malory Archer: Duly noted and disregarded. And I expect you to be totally convincing.
- Lana Kane: As the damsel in distress? Have you ever met a woman less damsel-y?
- Malory Archer: Pam.
- Ray Gillette: To reiterate! I am paralyzed!
- Cyril Figgis: Well join a support group.
- Malory Archer: For who? Cripple, gay, hillbilly spies?
- Sterling Archer: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Stalin! For the last time, assholes, my name is-
- [KGB agents open fire]
- Sterling Archer: SHAZAM!
- [Mallory and Lana are watching Archer from across the pool]
- Malory Archer: Ugh. Now damsel up and get over there. And remember, you have to pretend you don't have a history together.
- [they watch the waiter bring Archer a drink; he sips it, then immediately spits it out and starts coughing]
- Sterling Archer: For the... sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?
- Lana Kane: [sighs] I always do.
- [she walks away]
- Malory Archer: Like a big brown giraffe.
- Cheryl Tunt: Oooh, or an ostrich.
- Malory Archer: [sighs] Remind me why I let you idiots come.
- Pam Poovey: For the free rooms? 'Cause the only thing you are more than mean is cheap?
- Malory Archer: Oh, shut up. And just because you own this place...
- Cheryl Tunt: I think I just own the conglomerate that owns the holding company that owns the hotel chain that owns it.
- Malory Archer: Don't even think about screwing up our plan to cure Sterling's amnesia.
- Cheryl Tunt: His what?
- [across the pool, Archer is still yelling at the waiter]
- Sterling Archer: Five ingredients: tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, ice, kosher salt! Oh, and sorry about the Auschwitz crack, that's... that's not like me. I've been under a lot of stress lately.
- Waiter: I'm not Jewish.
- Sterling Archer: Did I ask for your life story?
- Malory Archer: I'm off for a seaweed wrap.
- Ray Gillette: [sotto voice] I didn't know they made sushi with dried clams.
- [opening lines]
- Sterling Archer: [finishes cooking the burger of the week] Okay, kids. Who wants Manning Coleslaw? And-or an explanation of why that's --
- [Archer and the Belcher kids get an unexpected visit by the KGB]
- Sterling Archer: Funny? Sorry, guys, we're uh...
- [One of the officers flips the door sign]
- Sterling Archer: Closed, yeah, thanks for getting the sign for me because we are closed.
- [a KGB goon locks the door]
- Sterling Archer: Especially now that the door is locked and you're not really supposed to be back here. Even if you have, uh, um...
- [the other goon reveals a gun under his jacket]
- Sterling Archer: I-I was gonna say hairnet.
- Linda Belcher: Bob, what do they want?
- Sterling Archer: Hambledurgers, Linda. Would you please go in the goddamn back.
- Linda Belcher: Well, excuse me, Ike Turner. Jeez.
- Goon 1: Ty skin syn, ISIS shiphon! Even if you kill us, more will come, Archer.
- Sterling Archer: [in Russian] Khorosho! Ya ih Toje zamochu togda!
- [Archer places the cooking spray can into the goon's mouth and shoots it]