- Oliver Reeder: Did you actually buy my flowers, Malcolm?
- Malcolm Tucker: No, no, no, it's one of the many advantages of living close to an accident black spot.
- Dan Miller: [as everyone gives him a round of applause] Oh, please, please, I'm not Christ. He was quite a scruffy man.
- Malcolm Tucker: I'm looking for Mr. Oliver Reeder, he looks a bit like a Quentin Blake illustration.
- Malcolm Tucker: [on the phone] Sam, hi, listen, can you do me a favour? Buy some flowers for Nicola fucking Murray. Yeah, have them delivered to her home this evening with a card that says "sorry you had to go, but let's face it, you are a fucking waste of skin"... "waste of skin," yeah.
- Oliver Reeder: [referring to Nicola Murray's career] Is that it then? Is she fucked?
- Malcolm Tucker: Like Caligula's favourite watermelon.
- Nicola Murray: [after Malcolm barges into her office unannounced] Still not knocking, Malcolm?
- Malcolm Tucker: Oh, sorry, it's an old habit from my time in the Haitian death squads.
- Oliver Reeder: [on the phone] Glen, mate, guess who! No, it's Ollie Reeder. Who the fuck is Preston?
- Malcolm Tucker: When you come back, it'll be as Foreign Secretary.
- Ben Swain: And you mean Foreign Secretary? That isn't code for Northern Ireland? I'm not fucking going there.
- Helen Hatley: You can't go first class, it's career suicide. You might as well do a shit in the aisle.
- Malcolm Tucker: [walking in on a meeting between Ben Swain and Dan Miller and addressing Dan] Oh, here she is, Pippa Middleton trying to steal the limelight with your peachy little ass.
- Ben Swain: I hereby tweet "I have resigned. More to follow." Didn't seem that momentous.
- Malcolm Tucker: How many followers have you got?
- Ben Swain: 612, or odd thereabouts.
- Malcolm Tucker: Christ, let's hope it gets re-tweeted, otherwise you might as well just whisper it to a dead tramp.
- Malcolm Tucker: [holding up his iPhone] These phones are amazing, aren't they? I've got an app that can throw a grenade into people's dreams.
- Nicola Murray: [in tears] I really thought I could be Prime Minister.
- Helen Hatley: [in disbelief] Did you?
- Nicola Murray: Yes, didn't you?
- Helen Hatley: [suddenly changing her tone] Yes... of course.
- Malcolm Tucker: [gesturing people over to watch Nicola's resignation speech on TV] Come on, everybody, this is history in the making. This is the ending of a chapter of a very thin book that nobody enjoyed reading.