Quotes
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Winston Bishop : Are you okay?
Jess Day : Yeah, I'm fine.
Winston Bishop : Those guys were jerks. But I know they're glad you're around.
Jess Day : Really?
Winston Bishop : Yeah! They're not just gonna come out and say it, though. Especially Nick, you know, but they're all thinking it. Even me. Most of the time.
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Winston Bishop : [greeting a wedding guest] Hi. What a beautiful dress.
Jimmy Longjam : I'm surprised you noticed the dress. I was distracted by the woman inside. Jimmy Longjam, alternate usher.
Winston Bishop : [feigning an amused laugh] Alternate usher. I mean, I'm here. I'm the usher.
Jimmy Longjam : You were late. It's called commitment. Look it up in a typewriter, old man.
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Winston Bishop : Hey, Nick, how you doin', buddy?
Nick Miller : They want me to leave the booth, but I'm staying. This is my home now. It's got everything that I need.
Schmidt : You can see by looking at these pictures that he's experiencing a variety of different emotions. This one is... well, that's actually his butt.
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Winston Bishop : We've got a problem.
Schmidt : What?
[seeing Nick and Caroline talking]
Schmidt : Jess, what did you do?
Jess Day : What? They're fine, they're just talking.
Winston Bishop : No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with Caroline, he is not fine. Okay, he ran into her at a party two months ago, then sent me a ten-page e-mail about what she meant when she said "I'll see you soon."
Schmidt : She will flirt with him until she knows she can have him. It's like he's her backup plan.
Jess Day : I didn't know that.
Schmidt : You wanna live with Nick, when he's not showering and crying all day?
Winston Bishop : Yeah, he sounds like this.
[he pantomimes babbling sobbing]
Schmidt : You ever heard a grown man sob and listen to Simon and Garfunkel?
Jess Day : Yeah, my dad.
Schmidt : Yeah.
Jess Day : Okay, I get it. I'll go. But I just... these bicycle shorts are really tight.
Schmidt : Come on, work through it, woman.
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Winston Bishop : Yo, let's go. We can't be late. I am in the wedding.
Nick Miller : You're the usher, so relax.
Winston Bishop : Yeah, I'll be busy. That way, I won't have to sit around answering a bunch of stupid questions all day. Like, "do you have a job? Are you still playing basketball?". Does it look like I'm still playing overseas basketball?
Schmidt : What is the matter with you?
Winston Bishop : This is the first job I've had in, like, two months, dude, and I really want to just get in there and ush this wedding in the face!
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Jess Day : It was weird when I was stuck in a freak sandwich between you and that eight-year-old. Do you wanna talk about that?
Winston Bishop : You know, it's just that he got to be a bit annoying, so... I kind of took my feelings out with dance?
