Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Commando (2010)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Good old Arnold. You're no stranger to my reviews, are you? How can anyone not like this guy? He's a commercial puppet, yet a personal icon. He beats the crap out of people, but has a heart of gold. He's a horrible actor, but by God he's trying. We all love you, Arnold, no matter how good or how bad your movies are. So I tried to figure out which movie did its best to both glorify and exploit everything Arnold has to offer - "Commando"!

• Nostalgia Critic : Everything that is wonderful about Arnold and terrible about Arnold is in this movie. Every over-the-top '80s action cliché makes its way into this flick. It's unbelievable! We got one-liners, we got explosions, we got the bad guys in suits, we got kidnapped children and, of course...

  [Imitates Arnold] 

  Nostalgia Critic : WE GOT AHNOLD!

  [Back to his normal voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : It's so over-the-top that it's almost like a satire of Schwarzenegger films. It's just fantastic! So put on your black striped makeup that doesn't seem to camouflage anything. This is "Commando."

• Nostalgia Critic : [as the movie begins]  So it starts off with a garbage truck. Don't all great movies?

• Nostalgia Critic : [after the boat explodes]  Oh, come on, guy, you could've had three for three, there! How about something like, uh, "Death ahoy!" or "Happy sails!"? You're not the henchman I remember.

• Nostalgia Critic : So as the credits roll, we find out that Arnold's name is John Matrix.

  Neo (from 'The Matrix') : Whoa.