Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 4 - The Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood (2009 Video Game)
Gavin Hammon: Stan
Quotes
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Guybrush Threepwood : Your honor, I'd like to call Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate, to the stand!
Bailiif Killick Hardtack : [Calling out] Guybrush Threepwood!
Guybrush Threepwood : I'm right here.
Bailiif Killick Hardtack : Oh, right.
[Offers a book for Guybrush to put his hand on]
Bailiif Killick Hardtack : Do you swear on Blackbeard's log to tell the truth to the best of your ability as a grog-swilling, back-stabbing pirate?
Guybrush Threepwood : Oooh, what's this log made of, calf leather? You just can't find craftsmanship like this these days.
Bailiif Killick Hardtack : Ahem.
Guybrush Threepwood : Oh... I do!
[Playing as counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood : Captain Sheepgood...
[playing as defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood : Threepwood.
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood : Ah, yes, Shreveport.
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood : *Threepwood*.
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood : Greensleeves.
[as defendant, angrily]
Guybrush Threepwood : Threepwood!
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood : Treebeard?
[defendant, annoyed]
Guybrush Threepwood : Threeeeeep -
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood : Sleeeeee -
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood : Woooooood!
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood : Staaaaaaaaack...
Stan : Objection! Defense is stalling!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : THE DEFENSE WILL GET ON WITH IT OR THE COURT WILL ORDER HIS NAME LEGALLY CHANGED TO "CAPTAIN GUTS FOR GARTERS!" ARRRRRRRRR!
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Guybrush Threepwood : Hey Stan, why don't you represent me, for old times' sake?
Stan : You mean those "old times" when you swindled me out of a ship, stuck me in a coffin for three months, scammed my insurance company, and got me involved with high risk doubloon derivatives?
Guybrush Threepwood : Um, yes?
Stan : Sorry, kid. Nothing personal, but I stand to make a bundle in legal fees off these honked-off Flotsamites. They really don't like you!
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Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : Captain Threepwood, having heard the grave charges arrayed against you, how do you plead?
Guybrush Threepwood : If I plead guilty, will I get out of here any quicker?
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : Most definitely!
Guybrush Threepwood : Great! Then I plead...
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : After the summary executions by keelhauling, hanging, boiling and er... scaphism.
Guybrush Threepwood : Scaphism?
Stan : Trust me kid, you don't wanna know.
Guybrush Threepwood : Okay then... I plead not guilty by reason of insanity!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : Ye look pretty sane to me!
Guybrush Threepwood : Sure, *now*, but any second I could start using monkeys as needle-nose pliers, or shooting myself out of trebuchets, or doing strange things with rubber trees. I'm crazy, I tells ya, craaaaaaaaazy!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump : [Getting Pox-enraged] The defendant will cease his inane histrionics, or the court will be forced to yank out his tongue with a rusty shrimp fork! Arrrr!
Guybrush Threepwood : Okay, no insanity defense...