- Dusty Mayron: So the King raised his mighty sword and rained steel down upon the Step King.
- Brad Whitaker: But the Step King blocked it with his shield. And swung his cat o'nine tails into the King's smug face.
- Dusty Mayron: Which the King easily brushed aside like the feather of a gull. And then the King did counter with a barrage of slashes and thrusts so fast and precise the Step King had no way to party.
- Megan, Dylan: Yay!
- Dusty Mayron: But he did. He did. He parried all of them. Easily. It was no big deal.
- Megan, Dylan: Aww.
- Brad Whitaker: Then he grabbed the King's sword right out of his hand and smashed it over his knee.
- Megan, Dylan: Boo!
- Dusty Mayron: That's when the King pulled out a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!
- Brad Whitaker: Which is completely anachronistic. So if we're gonna be doing any time period, then the Step King just happened to be wearing Kevlar body armor.
- Dusty Mayron: Concussion grenade!
- Brad Whitaker: Hand grenade.
- Dusty Mayron: Rocket launcher.
- Brad Whitaker: Missile launcher.
- Dusty Mayron: Air strike.
- Brad Whitaker: Nuclear strike.
- Dusty Mayron: Black hole.
- Brad Whitaker: God.
- Brad Whitaker: The step-king has had enough of the king's BULLSHIT!
- Dusty Mayron: Brad said a bad word.
- Brad Whitaker: You built all this today? With my tools?
- Dusty Mayron: Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse with a tampon, Brad.
- Brad Whitaker: I mean, kids at the end of the day, they know who's been around and, holy balls!
- [sees dusty]
- Dusty Mayron: [Watching Frozen] You gotta pause it man.
- Griff: No I don't wanna ruin the momentum.
- Dusty Mayron: Dude if another song comes on you gotta pause it okay?
- Griff: Hey am I suppose to pause my emotions?
- [first lines]
- Brad Whitaker: [narrating] Here's a question for you. What do kids need more, a father or a dad? What's the difference? The way I see it, darn near anyone can be a father...
- [video of copulating rhinos]
- Brad Whitaker: ... but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad. As for me, I've always wanted to be a dad. Let me tell you, I love it! Yeah!
- [driving]
- Brad Whitaker: And I love my Ford Flex. It treats me to a smooth ride, and you know what? It didn't break the bank. Room enough for the whole family.
- [making sandwiches in the kitchen]
- Brad Whitaker: Yes, I love being a dad. And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine.
- [Dylan and Megan walk in]