- [dream sequence, arriving at a vampire's castle]
- Professor Roy Hinkley: [as "Sherlock"] I am inspector Sherlock and this is my associate, Colonel Watney.
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [as "Watney"] How do you do?
- Professor Roy Hinkley: Have you been expecting us?
- Mary Ann Summers: [as the castle caretaker] Expecting you? Five years ago I wrote you to come investigate the strange happenings in this house. FIVE YEARS! What took you so long?
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: W-w-well the fact is... uh... we had trouble getting a Hansom Cab!
- Professor Roy Hinkley: Eh... precisely! We had to WALK!
- Mary Ann Summers: You walked? All the way from England?
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Yes, and of course, crossing the channel was devilishly slow. You see it was take one step, and come up for air, and then take another step, and come up for air...
- Mary Ann Summers: Never mind!
- Gilligan: Please help me, Professor! I... I wouldn't be a good vampire! I faint at the sight of blood! I'll starve to death!
- Gilligan: [as a vampire, standing before an open window] I shall swoop down upon their unsuspecting necks!
- [Gilligan jumps out of the window, followed shortly by a crashing sound. Gilligan is then seen climbing back in through the same window]
- Ginger Grant: [as Gilligan the vampire's wife] What happened?
- Gilligan: I forgot to turn into a bat!
- Ginger Grant: What kind of a vampire are you, anyway?
- Ginger Grant: [Looking into a mirror] All I get is a blank expression.
- Mary Ann Summers: You don't need a mirror, you're still beautiful.
- Ginger Grant: Oh, I know. But I like to get another opinion.
- Ginger Grant: Here. Twin beds. Now, I'll get you the victims. Meanwhile, you better hide.
- Gilligan: Yes. That way, they won't know I'm here till it's too late. I'll run and hide in the alcove.
- Ginger Grant: We don't have an alcove, you schnook.
- Gilligan: Skipper, is that you?
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: No, it's not the Skipper. I'm Frankenstein's monster.