Mom (TV Series)

Higgledy-Piggledy and a Cat Show (2019)

Allison Janney: Bonnie Plunkett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bonnie : [crying on the bed]  The holidays are just really hard for me.

  Marjorie : [sarcastically]  Oh *you're* the one.

  Bonnie : [sits up]  Christy told this... awful story about when she was a kid, and I've heard the story a thousand times, and I laughed every single time... but this time... I just wanted to... punch myself in the face for how horrible I was.

  Marjorie : Bonnie, this is to be expected. You're coming up on 5 years of sobriety, and you're just now starting to look back at the person you used to be through sober glasses, and it's a hard thing to take.

  Bonnie : But why at Christmas?

  Marjorie : We don't get to pick when it happens. I once made a flight to Detroit very uncomfortable for my fellow passengers.

  Bonnie : Why were you going to Detroit?

  Marjorie : National Cat Show.

  Bonnie : Is that why you were crying, because you paid to go to a cat show?

  Marjorie : I was crying because 15 years earlier I cheated on my husband and it was only during mid-flight that the... enormity of what I'd done hit me.

• Christy : This one took her boyfriend of 48 hours out on Christmas Eve, she said to do some last minute Christmas shopping. But it turns out there was a bar next door to Toys R' Us. So I get up on Christmas morning to an empty house. Around noon there's a collect call so I'm thinking 'Okay, she's in jail again'. No, she got into a fight with dad of the week and needs me to come get her at the park where she passed out... I'm 11... so I drive over there and get her.

  Bonnie : In my defense she was an excellent driver, and she still is.

  Christy : Thank you. So on the way back we stop at a gas station and I buy my own Christmas presents, 2 Milky Way bars and a Teen Bop magazine with a pull out poster of Kirk Cameron.

  Bonnie : I believe there was also a Yoohoo involved.

  Christy : Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yoohoo, nothing says Christmas like chocolate milk that doesn't need to be refrigerated.

• Bonnie : As your sponsor it's my job to make suggestions that make you go 'uck!', and here's one of them. I want you to text your mom and tell her 'Thank you'.

  Patty : Uck! What for?

  Bonnie : For doing such a good job taking care of your daughter.

• Patty : There's even a stocking for me! It doesn't get any better than this.

  Adam : [unamused in footie pajamas and a Santa hat]  It gets *way* better than this.

  Patty : [phone pings]  It's my mom! She's gonna let me Facetime with Emily while she opens her presents!

  Bonnie : [getting weepy]  Really? That's terrific!

  Christy : Mom, why're you crying now?

  Bonnie : I'm the best sponsor ever!

  Christy : ...You kind of are.

• Bonnie : I was such a horrible mom, I'll never be able to make it up to you.

  Christy : Mom, you already have. You may *just* now be feeling this, but I'm over it. That's why I can tell those stories, because they don't hurt anymore... and also, everybody loves them.

  Bonnie : [laughs]  They *are* a crowd pleaser.

• Bonnie : [Patty plans to get her daughter]  What about your mother?

  Patty : I'll wait until she falls asleep, crawl in through the doggie door, get my daughter, sneak us out of there and find a motel for us to celebrate Christmas in.

  Christy : Oh my God, we're gonna be on Dateline.

• Christy : Well, look who's away in a manger.

  Bonnie : [crying]  Not funny.

  Christy : So... watcha doing?

  Bonnie : Just hanging with Mary... she was a good mom, I mean like me, her pregnancy came as a surprise but then *she* knocked it out of the park.

• Marjorie : You handled that beautifully.

  Bonnie : Good, because I want to die, but I'm not about to ruin another Christmas.

  [to the others] 

  Bonnie : Who wants to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' even though it's not?

• Bonnie : I think the reason we love candy canes is they give us the same feeling as putting coke on our gums.

  Marjorie : [eating peppermint pie]  It kind of does! And I won't be vacuuming naked at 3 in the morning.

  Tammy : Okay, I know what I want for Christmas, a videotape of Marjorie on cocaine!

  Bonnie : That wouldn't be on video, it'd be chiseled on a cave wall.

• Christy : You are in SUCH a healthier place now than you used to be.

  Bonnie : Healthy? I have straw in my underwear!

  Christy : But you're actually *wearing* underwear now, Mom.

• Bonnie : Listen, if you want to get yourself a sponsor who's a little more put together, I totally understand.

  Patty : Are you crazy? They say you're supposed to want what your sponsor has, and more than anything, I want what you have with Christy.