- Tracy Jordan: You know how pissed off I was when U.S. Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack - I'm straight-up mentally ill!
- Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
- Pete: Okay, marry, kill: Oprah, bin Laden, and Jenna.
- Liz Lemon: What did I tell you about playing that game with people in the room?
- Jenna Maroney: No Liz, it's okay.
- Frank: Okay, well I'd marry Oprah, for the money. I do bin Laden for revenge and then his own people would kill him. And I'd kill Jenna.
- Jack: I'm in charge.
- Jenna Maroney: [smiles] Oh. Okay. Um, well, I'm not sure about this costume.
- Jack: I think it's hot.
- Jenna Maroney: [chuckles] Thank you.
- [Kenneth approaches, carrying a small bag]
- Jenna Maroney: [to Jack] I'm Jenna, by the way.
- Kenneth Parcell: Ms. Maroney, I got the hemorrhoid cream you wanted.
- [Jenna's smile fades. She becomes extremely embarrassed]
- Jenna Maroney: [to Jack, her voice trembles] It's for my face.
- Jack: Well, wherever you're putting it, I think it's working.
- [Jack walks away. Jenna takes the cream from Kenneth and walks away]
- Jack: I want you to think about Tracy Jordan.
- Pete: The black guy?
- Jack: The black movie star. I flew with him on a private jet to the Super Bowl recently and I found him very entertaining.
- Liz Lemon: Isn't he, um... crazy?
- Jack: Tracy's had his problems in the last few years.
- Tracy Jordan: [cut to Tracy on the news, running through traffic in his underwear] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!
- Tracy Jordan: Excuse me, where's the manager? I'm from the goverment and I'm here to inspect your chicken nuggets!
- Tracy Jordan: [Running through traffic in nothing but tighty whities, screaming] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!
- Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us, while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
- Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
- Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
- Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
- Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?
- [Toofer just stares at Frank]