Family Guy (TV Series)
Untitled Griffin Family History (2006)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Nate Griffin, God, Moses Griffin, Silas Pewterschmidt, Captain, Burglar #2
Photos
Quotes
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Joe Swanson : We've captured the burglars.
Lois Griffin : Oh, thank God!
Joe Swanson : Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.
Peter Griffin : Well, that was a close call.
Joe Swanson : You know, ah, Meg should probably get a lawyer.
Lois Griffin : [to Peter] Oh, sweetie, thank you for keeping our spirits up with your stories.
Joe Swanson : Your daughter is a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.
Peter Griffin : Don't thank me, Lois, thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.
Joe Swanson : [to his fellow cops] Okay, guys, just take her away.
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Brian Griffin : [points to Peter's panic room] Peter, what is that?
Peter Griffin : Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie "The Butterfly Effect". I thought, "Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me."
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Peter Griffin : [as the sprinklers in the panic room mostly fill the room with water; Peter, Lois, Chris, Brian and Stewie are up to their necks in it] The Griffin family history is a rich tapestry. But, since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you: I did not care for The Godfather.
Lois Griffin : What?
Peter Griffin : Did not care for The Godfather.
Chris Griffin : How can you even say that, dad?
Peter Griffin : Didn't like it.
Lois Griffin : Peter, it's so good! It's like the perfect movie!
Peter Griffin : This is what everyone always said. Whenever they say...
Chris Griffin : Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never see, Robert Duvall!
Peter Griffin : Fine. Fine. Fine actor, did not like the movie.
Brian Griffin : Why not?
Peter Griffin : Did not... couldn't get into it.
Lois Griffin : Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?
Peter Griffin : It insists upon itself, Lois.
Lois Griffin : What?
Peter Griffin : It insists upon itself.
Lois Griffin : What does that even mean?
Chris Griffin : Because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!
Peter Griffin : It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending.
Chris Griffin : [annoyed] You've never seen the ending?
Stewie Griffin : How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?
Lois Griffin : I agree with Stewie. It's not really fair.
Chris Griffin : It's outrageous.
Peter Griffin : I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs.
Lois Griffin : Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.
Peter Griffin : I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.
Lois Griffin : You know what, Peter...
Chris Griffin : They're speaking Italian!
Lois Griffin : The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you don't understand.
Peter Griffin : I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.
Lois Griffin : Exactly.
Peter Griffin : Well, there you go.
Lois Griffin : Whatever.
Chris Griffin : I like that movie too.
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Peter Hitler : Hey, there you are! Ready to go see that new skin flick at the boobengarden?
Adolf Hitler : Can't you see I'm busy?
Peter Hitler : What are you doin'? Stuff?
Adolf Hitler : Yes.
Peter Hitler : Nazi stuff?
Adolf Hitler : Yes, Peter, Nazi stuff.
Peter Hitler : Can I help?
Adolf Hitler : No, Peter. Just let me work, alright?
Peter Hitler : Alright.
[sits in chair, hits hand on arm rest while mouthing fart noises, gets some tape and puts it over his nose]
Peter Hitler : Addy. Addy. I'm Tojo... I'm... Look, I'm Tojo. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, I am from Japan.
Adolf Hitler : Will you stop that?
Peter Hitler : Can I borrow 50 marks?
Adolf Hitler : What happened to the 50 marks from last week?
Peter Hitler : Your girlfriend's not cheap. Ooooh.
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Meg Griffin : So... is, uh, is this like the part where you guys have your way with me?
Robber 2 : What...?
Meg Griffin : You know, where I'm like helpless, and you guys take turns... you know?
Robber 2 : OH, NO! Oh, God! Oh, no, no no no!
Robber 1 : [from another room] What'd she say?
Robber 2 : She asked if we were gonna have our way with her.
Robber 1 : Ewww!
Meg Griffin : No, seriously, I won't scream or anything.
[leans in for a kiss]
Robber 2 : No! No, I, I... no, no sale!
Meg Griffin : [jumps on him on the floor] C'mon! I'm pretty!
[Robber 1 screams and hides behind robber 2, who has entered the room]
Robber 1 : Are you okay?
Robber 2 : Yeah, I was so scared.
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Meg Griffin : Dad, I can't go through the vent.
Peter Griffin : Yeah, she's right. We need to grease her up so she doesn't get stuck. Everybody spit on Meg!
Meg Griffin : [the family spits on her] Stop! Stop, you guys! Ah! Stop! Stop! Okay, okay. I meant I can't do it because there are burglars down there.
Peter Griffin : Come on! They're not gonna touch you. You're covered with spit.
Lois Griffin : Be careful, Meg.
Meg Griffin : [Peter pushes her into the vent, followed by sounds of her falling down] Ahh! Ahh! I hate you all!
Stewie Griffin : I hate you too, bitch. Oh, no, no, I'm just kidding. Can you imagine?
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Meg Griffin : Dad! What is it? What's going on? I heard a noise. Is somebody downstairs?
Peter Griffin : [leveling her with his baseball bat] Oh, god, Meg, you startled me. I'm sorry.
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Caveman Stewie Griffin : Damn all. What deuce. Victory Stewie's.
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Meg Griffin : Oh my gawd, we're all gonna die!
Peter Griffin : No we won't. We'll survive by eating each other.
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Brian Griffin : You so money. Don't know it.
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Diane Simmons : Coming up in this half hour, flies on your face. How many is too many?
Tom Tucker : But first, that orange thing in the sky and what you can do to please it.
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Peter Hitler : Hey, whaddya say we all head over to the Boozenpuken, huh? Free beer on this motherfuehrer. Heh? C'mon.