- Sam Malone: [walks into the bar] Sorry I'm late. I just got back from my stylist.
- Woody Boyd: Well gee, Sam, your hair doesn't look any different.
- Sam Malone: Ah, no, this was just for an estimate. I was thinking about doing a body wave, and my insurance company wants me to go to three different places.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Sam, you have hair insurance?
- Sam Malone: Yeah. What, I'm going to just walk around with fire and theft?
- Rebecca Howe: You've got a reputation of being uninhibited: lowdown, dirty, perverted.
- Carla LeBec: You should have known me when I was a real slut.
- Rebecca Howe: Let me ask you a question here. What is the wildest thing you ever did to really get a guy's attention?
- Carla LeBec: Let me see. There was the time I was making love to a guy on a carousel.
- Rebecca Howe: Where? At an amusement park?
- Carla LeBec: No. LaGuardia Airport.
- [Woody, Norm, Frasier and Cliff are playing Monopoly]
- Woody Boyd: I'm buying Renton Railroad and I'm putting up a house.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, you can't put a house on railroad tracks.
- Woody Boyd: Why not? My Uncle Jim used to do it all the time back in Hanover, on these tracks near where we lived. I mean, it wasn't a real house though, it was just a fake one made out of sticks and canvas. Yeah, he used to hide in the bushes and take pictures of the engineers screamin'.
- [laughs]
- Woody Boyd: He was funny. But he had a twisted side.
- Sam Malone: [trapped by the security system's lasers] I come over for a little action and I wind up in the middle of Star Wars!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, yes. It's the only time I seriously considered giving up psychology. For--For the arts. But I couldn't disappoint my father. No, sir. Not him. I remember opening night. I stared breathlessly out from behind the curtain to see-- To see if he'd taken the seat i'd left for him. But he was too busy with his experiments to show up. Always involved with those damned experiments.
- Norm Peterson: Dad was a scientist, huh?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, he was a white rat. Of course he was a scientist, you nit! You see, my father wanted me to go into psychology. He insisted on it. At the time, I hated him for it. And he died before I had a chance to realize that he was right. And I never got to tell him. It's funny, isn't it?
- Woody Boyd: [chuckles] That's a good one all right, Dr. Crane.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, I meant funny in a sad, ironic way.
- Woody Boyd: [chuckles] I know. Those kill me.