Cheers (TV Series)

The Art of the Steal (1989)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Sam Malone : [walks into the bar]  Sorry I'm late. I just got back from my stylist.

  Woody Boyd : Well gee, Sam, your hair doesn't look any different.

  Sam Malone : Ah, no, this was just for an estimate. I was thinking about doing a body wave, and my insurance company wants me to go to three different places.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Sam, you have hair insurance?

  Sam Malone : Yeah. What, I'm going to just walk around with fire and theft?

• [Woody, Norm, Frasier and Cliff are playing Monopoly] 

  Woody Boyd : I'm buying Renton Railroad and I'm putting up a house.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Woody, you can't put a house on railroad tracks.

  Woody Boyd : Why not? My Uncle Jim used to do it all the time back in Hanover, on these tracks near where we lived. I mean, it wasn't a real house though, it was just a fake one made out of sticks and canvas. Yeah, he used to hide in the bushes and take pictures of the engineers screamin'.

  [laughs] 

  Woody Boyd : He was funny. But he had a twisted side.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, yes. It's the only time I seriously considered giving up psychology. For--For the arts. But I couldn't disappoint my father. No, sir. Not him. I remember opening night. I stared breathlessly out from behind the curtain to see-- To see if he'd taken the seat i'd left for him. But he was too busy with his experiments to show up. Always involved with those damned experiments.

  Norm Peterson : Dad was a scientist, huh?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, he was a white rat. Of course he was a scientist, you nit! You see, my father wanted me to go into psychology. He insisted on it. At the time, I hated him for it. And he died before I had a chance to realize that he was right. And I never got to tell him. It's funny, isn't it?

  Woody Boyd : [chuckles]  That's a good one all right, Dr. Crane.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Woody, I meant funny in a sad, ironic way.

  Woody Boyd : [chuckles]  I know. Those kill me.