- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [singing to the tune of "When the Saints Go Marching In"] Albania! Albania! You border on the Adriatic, your land is mostly mountainous and your chief export is chrome!
- Diane Chambers: [after Sam walks into his office and the door closes behind him] He's locked his door.
- Carla Tortelli: [in mock horror] Ooohh, and we're locked out here with you.
- Diane Chambers: ...if this is part of some involved scheme to get me back in bed with you, you will be very disappointed.
- Sam Malone: Yeah, but you'll enjoy yourself.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [about Sam] No wonder he's Miss Purdy's favorite.
- Diane Chambers: Miss Purdy?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Yeah, our beautiful school teacher.
- Diane Chambers: And Sam is her favorite?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Well, I can't say that, but Sam's the only one I ever saw her kiss.
- Diane Chambers: They kissed?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Yeah, I saw them smooching in the parking lot. I was putting up a notice there on the bulletin board.
- Diane Chambers: With probing tongues?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: No Diane, with a thumb tack and my thumb.
- Diane Chambers: [Diane storms into Sam's office, angry] Sam Malone, this is absolutely...
- Sam Malone: ...the worst thing I've ever done.
- Diane Chambers: ...the worst thing you've... - wait a minute. You don't even know what I'm going to say. I just found out that you have been...
- Sam Malone: ...sleeping with my teacher.
- Diane Chambers: That's right. And that's not the worst part of it. She also has been giving you...
- Sam Malone: ...good marks because of it.
- Diane Chambers: Yes. Are you admitting that you're doing this and that you know it's wrong?
- Sam Malone: Yeah, that's right.
- Diane Chambers: Oh, yeah? Well... stop slouching. Look what's happened to your posture.
- Sam Malone: What?
- Diane Chambers: I needed something.
- Diane Chambers: [about her former relationship with Sumner Sloan] For your information, I was a legitimate A student in the classroom. I never got good grades in the sack.
- Sam Malone: Oh, don't worry, I always gave you an E for effort, didn't I?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [to Sam] You mean all semester long I've been working my buns off while you were sleeping with the teacher?