- Dirk: We're fraternal twins.
- London Tipton: No, you're not. You don't look anything alike.
- Dirk: That's what fraternal means.
- London Tipton: Ooh, he is the smart one!
- Zack Martin: Wait! Wait! Look! I'm an immature wreck, see?
- [Zack picks up a drink and splashes it on his face]
- Zack Martin: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow, that was soda! Hey, look, real tears!
- [starts walking, but he runs into the door and falls backwards onto the floor]
- London Tipton: Okay, so Kirk and I sit here and you guys sit way over there!
- [pushes Maddie and Dirk to the other side of the table]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: So Dirk, do you uh have any hobbies?
- Dirk: Taxidermy. I like to stuff dead things.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Who... doesn't...?
- [Moseby trips, knocking over a felt sign in the lobby and lands on some of the letters]
- Mr. Moseby: Ohh, I landed on my "A."
- Dirk: Did you know, it takes six bags of cow manure to grow one bag of potatoes?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Can we please talk about something that doesn't make me... I don't know... gag!
- Dirk: Actually, gagging is good. It heaves up all the mucus that's just caked with bacteria.
- London: Moseby, something's wrong! I'm seeing double!
- Mr. Moseby: We're having a twin convention. Everyone here is a twin, like Zack and Cody.
- London: Zack and Cody are twins? Since when?
- Mr. Moseby: Oh, about six months ago.
- Zack Martin: [to Cody] Come on. There are lots of fish in the sea.
- Cody Martin: I don't want a fish. I want Irma.
- [cries]
- Zack Martin: Come on, with whiskers like those, she looks like a catfish.
- Cody Martin: I miss Irma!
- Jessica: I miss Troy!
- Janice: I miss Ronald!
- Zack Martin: So everyone having a good time?
- [Cody and the girls start crying; Zack glares at Cody]
- Dirk: Did you know that 80 hairs fall off your head a day?
- London Tipton: Can we not talk about hair unless it's mine?
- Zack Martin: [to Jessica] So how about I show you one of Boston's most elegant restaurants? Ever had a seven-meat pizza?
- Jessica: That sounds intriguing! Or disgusting...
- Zack Martin: It's both!
- Kirk: [to Maddie] Excuse me? Can I get a chocolate bar, please?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: You can have anything you want.
- Kirk: I'll have a chocolate bar, please.
- Jessica: Excuse me, did you happen to see someone who looks exactly like me?
- Zack Martin: Yeah. Last night. In my dreams.
- Bob: Last night, I dreamt I was being devoured by ferocious hamsters. Turns out it was just my little brother nibbling on my toes.