The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #2.1 (2005)

Chris Addison: Oliver Reeder

Photos 

Quotes 

• Malcolm Tucker : [on the way to the Communications office]  Hey Jamie! This is Ollie!

  Jamie : THE Ollie? The stuck-one-up-the-Opposition-for-us Ollie? Good fucking man! Good to meet you!

  Malcolm Tucker : This is Jamie, he'll be looking after you.

  Oliver Reeder : Oh, great, another Scot, I see. Does everyone needs to be in the Caledonian Mafia to, erm...

  Malcolm Tucker : Everybody, this is Ollie! He's the guy who fucked the Opposition for us!

  [everybody cheer] 

  Oliver Reeder : That was quite an introduction.

  Jamie : Just nod when the big fucker talks, do whatever I say.

  Malcolm Tucker : Actually it's the other way around. Look, Jamie's gonna put you in touch with a guy called Paul. Paul vets all the stuff that we input into the attack. Technically, you shouldn't be doing this here, but the main frame's not here, right? So technically you're not!

  Oliver Reeder : Sorry, stuff about Emma?

  Malcolm Tucker : About Emma, yeah.

  Oliver Reeder : [dissapointed]  Oh.

  Malcolm Tucker : Hey, Ollie, I know that you're dead brainy, but look, I've got brains coming out of my fucking arse. What I need is political intelligence.

  Oliver Reeder : I just feel a bit awkward, you know...

  Malcolm Tucker : Oh, it's make-your-mind-up time, Ollie! I mean, what do you want to be? Do you want to be a prick that works here for a year, then goes away and joins a think-tank to write "oh, on one hand this and on the other hand that", or do you want to be a soldier?

  Jamie : Have you got your eyes on the prize?

  Oliver Reeder : I've got my eyes on the prize.

  Malcolm Tucker : Good.

  Oliver Reeder : What is the prize?

  Malcolm Tucker : I don't know, you need to ask the brainy guys. I'll settle for just keeping us in government instead of the wankers you're shagging!

• Glenn Cullen : [about Ollie being seconded to Nr.10 for a week]  They only want him to make Cappucinos.

  Hugh Abbot : He does it very well. I think it's the way you waggle your finger so hard in the milk.

  Oliver Reeder : Yeah, you think it's my finger, bitch.

• Malcolm Tucker : [shouting]  Sam! A coffee and a fucking skinny muffin, if that's possible!

  [sees Ollie waiting in the hall] 

  Malcolm Tucker : What the fuck are you doing here?

  Oliver Reeder : I thought you said today, Malcolm. Did you not say...?

  Malcolm Tucker : I mean what are you doing there? Come on.

  [go inside Tucker's office] 

  Oliver Reeder : Oh, right, sorry, I just didn't want to interrupt. Never know what you're doing in here.

  Malcolm Tucker : Well, if the PM's giving me a blow job I always put a sign up.

• Jamie : Well, go for fuck's sake, you big fucking prick! Or I'll cut your ears off! We need it done!

  Oliver Reeder : When I met you this morning I thought you were the nice Scot.

• Frankie : Shagging your way to the top, then, is it?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, I'm not Scottish, so I got to get there somehow.

• Oliver Reeder : So. I've been given a desk at Nr.10 to ring my girlfriend?

  Frankie : That's about the size of it. Shagging your way to the top, then, is it?

  Oliver Reeder : Yes, well, I'm not Scottish, so I've got to get in somehow, haven't I?

• Malcolm Tucker : [Ollie's mobile phone rings]  Are you not going to get that, Olly?

  Oliver Reeder : No. I've been on that all day. Microwaves. I've got a tumour coming on

  Jamie : [in a slightly camp voice]  I think I've got a touch of the brain tumours as well. Not much of a fucking soldier, is he?

  Malcolm Tucker : He's a lover, not a fighter.

• Malcolm Tucker : It's make-your-mind-up time, Ollie! I mean, what do you want to be? Do you want to be a prick that works here for a year, then goes away and joins a think-tank to write "oh, on one hand this and on the other hand that", or do you want to be a soldier?

  Jamie : Have you got your eyes on the prize?

  Oliver Reeder : I've got my eyes on the prize.

  Malcolm Tucker : Good.

  Oliver Reeder : What is the prize?

  Malcolm Tucker : I don't know, you need to ask the brain guys... I'll settle for just keeping us in government instead of the wankers you're shagging!

• Malcolm Tucker : [trying to get the news people to edit the footage of Hugh being confronted by an angry member of the public into something less embarrassing]  And do you know about that woman? Have you made any enquiries into the background of that woman?

  Mark Davies : I'm sure my researchers have, yes.

  Malcolm Tucker : Yes, your researchers have. Well, I've got to tell you I don't think they have.

  [his phone rings] 

  Malcolm Tucker : Just excuse me a second.

  Oliver Reeder : [phoning from the office at Number 10]  Malcolm.

  Malcolm Tucker : Have you anything on the woman?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, I've got Frankie up there now, just rooting through the bins. Hang on a second.

  [speaks into another phone] 

  Oliver Reeder : Have you got anything?

  Frankie : [outside the woman's house, literally going through her dustbins]  Nothing. Er... bloody chips, Daily Mail, bin stuff.

  Oliver Reeder : Nothing, Malcolm. Just bin stuff.

  [Malcolm thinks for a moment, then goes back into the editing room] 

  Malcolm Tucker : BNP, Mark. She's standing for the British National Party. Stamford Bridge.

  Mark Davies : [thumps his desk in disappointment]  For fuck's sake!

  Malcolm Tucker : Very straightforward. Basic stuff, Mark. Do your research. Standing for the British National Party.

  Mark Davies : All right, what do you want, Malcolm?

  Malcolm Tucker : Two little bits of tit. Two titties.