- Lois: So will you come to Hawaii with me Jerry?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Maybe I will, Lois. Maybe I will.
- [Jerry winks at camera, like in the Superman movie]
- George Costanza: Your boyfriend reads the Daily Worker? What is he? A communist?
- Elaine Marie Benes: He reads everything, you know, Ned's very well read.
- George Costanza: Maybe he's just very well... red?
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Opening scene, Lois's office] Ready to go Lois?
- Lois: You really like to say my name? Don't you?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Excuse me Lois. Stand back Lois. Jimmy's in trouble Lois.
- Elaine Marie Benes: Oh well nothing wrong with that. Gotta make those big bucks... money money money money money money money... ha ha ha ha ah... are you a communist?
- Ned: Yes, as a matter of fact I am.
- Elaine Marie Benes: Oh, ah! Oh! Wow! Whoa! A Commie! Wow, gee, man it must be a bummer for you guys, what with the fall of the Soviet empire and everything.
- Ned: Yeah, well, we still got China, and Cuba.
- Elaine Marie Benes: Yeah, but come on...
- Ned: I know it's not the same.
- Elaine Marie Benes: Well, you had a good run. What was it 75, 80 years? Wreaking havoc, making everybody nervous.
- Ned: Yeah, we had a good run.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I never did. In four years of high school I would never race anyone again. Not even to the end of the block to catch a bus. And so the legend grew. Everyone wanted me to race. They begged me. The track coach called my parents. Pleading. Telling them it was a sin to waste my god given talent. But I answered him in the same way I answered everyone. I chose not to run.
- Elaine Marie Benes: So now Duncan is back?
- Jerry Seinfeld: He's back. And I knew he would be someday. Man that's some tart cider!
- Boss: Is there a problem here?
- Cosmo Kramer: Ho ho ho ho.
- Kid: This guy's a Commie. He's spreading propaganda.
- Lois: Would you be able to come all the way downtown again in rush hour and pick me up?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I'd have to be Superman to do that, Lois.
- George Costanza: You, uh, wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
- George Steinbrenner: Yes George, I did. Come in, come in. George, the word around the office is that you're a Communist.
- Lois: Have you designed any buildings in New York?
- George Costanza: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?
- Lois: You did that?
- George Costanza: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.
- Jerry Seinfeld: And he's calling all these people from high school to come and watch. I knew this day would come. I can't do it. I can't go through with it. I'm calling it off. I can't let the legend die. It's like a kid finding out there's no Santa Claus.
- George Costanza: I called one of those girls from the personal ads in the Daily Worker.
- Jerry Seinfeld: The Daily Worker has personals?
- George Costanza: Yeah, and they say that appearance is not important.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yours or hers?
- Elaine Benes: Just because you're a communist, does that mean you can't wear anything nice? You look like Trotsky.
- Ned: Good.
- Elaine Benes: Fine. Wanna be a communist, be a communist. Can't you at least look like a successful communist?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: The Christmas tree certainly seems to inspire a love-hate relationship. All that time is spent selecting it and decorating it, and then a week after, it's just thrown somewhere. You see it by the side of the road. Looks like a mob hit. Car slows down, the door opens, and this tree just rolls out. Bo-bum-poom-boom. People snap outta that Christmas spirit like it was a drunken stupor. They just wake up one morning and go, "Oh, my God! There's a tree inside the house. Just throw it anywhere!"