- Weekend Update Anchor: Reading scores in New York schools dropped by a whopping 80% this year, but math scores dropped by 90%, so whoever added up the reading scores may have screwed up the figures.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Also in Los Angeles, six of the first twelve prospective jurors in the federal Rodney King beatings trials were dismissed for being biased this week. Biased. So what if a person has two asses? What's that got to do with anything?