- Laurie Partridge: Oh, my gosh
- Shirley Partridge: What's the matter, Laurie?
- Laurie Partridge: Look, I don't want anyone to panic or anything, but there's a skunk sitting right behind me.
- Shirley Partridge: A what, dear?
- Laurie Partridge: A skunk, Mother.
- Christopher 'Chris' Partridge: Gee, is it that bad?
- Elevator Boy: Whatever it is, it's that bad.
- Danny Partridge: It's a mixture skunk and ladies' cologne.
- Elevator Boy: Don't bottle it. It'll never sell. Look, would you mind taking the elevator up yourselves?
- Shirley Partridge: I'm terribly sorry about driving all your passengers away.
- Elevator Boy: That's okay, lady. Just keep it moving. Otherwise, this elevator will be classified as a pollution area. No offense.
- Shirley Partridge: I just used up a whole bottle of my best perfume. Doesn't it smell any better?
- Keith Partridge: No. Just different.
- Shirley Partridge: What do you mean?
- Keith Partridge: Now it smells like perfumed skunk.
- 1st Bellboy: You know, I just thought of something.
- Reuben Kincaid: What?
- 1st Bellboy: What if they end up smelling like tomatoes instead?
- Danny Partridge: Do you have to do that? I'm gonna end up smelling like a girl.
- Laurie Partridge: Listen, you should be so lucky. Anyway, anything's better than skunk.
- Danny Partridge: I don't know. At least skunk has a masculine smell.
- Laurie Partridge: Ooh, that smell is absolutely gross.
- Shirley Partridge: It's very unpleasant but at least he's gone now
- Keith Partridge: Yeah, but I have a feeling he's gonna be with us in spirit for a long time to come.
- Reuben Kincaid: What did I do?
- Shirley Partridge: You were in our bus.
- Reuben Kincaid: Yeah, but... You mean, I...
- Shirley Partridge: To high heaven.
- Elevator Boy: Would you mind taking it up yourself, sir?
- Shirley Partridge: Shirley?
- Laurie Partridge: Don't worry. We'll have the bellboy bring up an embarrassing amount of tomato juice.
- Reuben Kincaid: So, that's the thanks I get. Abandoned.
- Shirley Partridge: Oh, it's all right. There's nothing wrong with us now.
- Elevator Boy: Whatever you say.
- Shirley Partridge: We may look a little funny, but we're all right otherwise. We got decontaminated at the hospital.
- Elevator Boy: Oh. I'm glad you changed your lifestyle. I like you much better that way. A little freaky looking, but you're definitely on the right path.
- Shirley Partridge: All right everyone, grab a suitcase. We'll have to leave Simone in the bus until we can get her shampooed.
- Christopher 'Chris' Partridge: Poor Simone, she'll be lonely,
- Shirley Partridge: Honey, the way she smells she'll be lonely wherever she goes!