Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Spam (1970)

Terry Jones: Tobacconist, Magistrate, Karl Marx, Floor Manager, Bumpkin, Spam Waitress

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hungarian Immigrant : [reading from book]  I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

  Tobacconist : No no no, this is a Tobacconist's.

  Hungarian Immigrant , Tobacconist : Ah!

  Hungarian Immigrant : I will not buy this Tobacconist's, it is scratched.

  Tobacconist : No no no no. Tobacco, um... cigarettes.

  [Holds up pack of cigarettes] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : Ah, cig- cigarettes.

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : My hovercraft is full of eels.

  Tobacconist : What?

  Hungarian Immigrant : My hovercraft

  [mimes holding a cigarette] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : is full of eels

  [mimes stricking a match] 

  Tobacconist : Oh, matches, matches...

  Hungarian Immigrant : Yah!

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : Do you want... Do you want to come back to my place. Bouncy bouncy!

  Tobacconist : I don't think you're using that right.

  Hungarian Immigrant : You great poof!

  Tobacconist : Uh... That'll be six and six, please.

  Hungarian Immigrant : If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.

  Tobacconist : May I see that?

  [takes book from Hungarian, looks through it] 

  Tobacconist : Yander levasa gadenui stravenka.

  [Hungarian punches him] 

  Police Officer : [comes running in]  What's goin' on 'ere, then?

  Hungarian Immigrant : Ah!

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : You have beautiful thighs.

  Police Officer : [looks at his thighs, then up again]  What?

  Tobacconist : [pointing at Hungarian]  He hit me!

  Hungarian Immigrant : Drop your panties, Sir William.

  [points at Tobacconist] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : I cannot wait 'til lunchtime.

  Police Officer : Right!

  [arrests Hungarian] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : My nipples explode with delight!