- Lord Chitterly, an English traitor who looks like the bumbling Colonel Crittendon, enters Stalag 13 with information for the Germans. Crittendon is made up to replace the Lord and fool the Germans.
- Early in the evening the Heroes are watching as an aircraft in flight near Stalag 13 appears to have engine trouble. Soon a parachute is seen carrying its passenger safely from the crashing plane. Their attempted rescue of the pilot fails when interrupted by Sgt Schultz, however they do overhear sufficient to determine that the man is British and a traitor. Later listening in on the coffee pot receiver, Hogan and crew learn that the man is Sir Charles Chitterly and is expected by Hitler himself. General von Schlomm will arrive in the morning to escort him to Berlin. Realizing that Sir Charles is a near perfect double of Colonel Crittendon, Hogan arranges to have the latter extricated from Stalag 12 and brought to Stalag 13. The plan is to kidnap Chitterly while Crittendon assumes his identity.—Harry Tumilson
- This is part 1 of a 2-part episode.
At the start, a plane is falling and crashing. Hogan and the men are in camp, and see the pilot bail out and parachute open. They go out through the tree stump tunnel entrance to check. The pilot is hanging from a tree, and releases the chute to get free. He starts walking through the woods singing 'Deutchland Uber Alles'. In the middle of the second phrase, Hogan catches him and puts a hand over his mouth. He then sees camp guards coming and releases him. The pilot sees Schultz and guards coming, When they get to him, he says 'Take me to your leader'. Hogan and the men are watching. Newkirk asks Hogan 'Is he one of ours or one of theirs'. Hogan tells him that he thinks that he is one of yours, referring to Newkirk being British, and possibly the pilot being British.
When the pilot gets to Klink's office, Klink, Schultz and the pilot are there and the pilot wants to talk to Hitler. He says to tell Hitler that he is here, and give a big kiss to Eva Braun. The pilot says that his name is Sir Charles Chitterly, and he gets Klink to call General von Schlomm. Hogan and the men are listening in on the coffee pot. LeBeau says that Sir Charles looks a lot like Colonel Crittendon. The others make statements to the extent that Crittendon has always caused them trouble when he shows up. Hogan thinks about it, and then says that is the way that they will have to go. He tells Newkirk and Carter to break into the STALAG where Crittendon is and get him out and back to STALAG 13.
At morning roll call, Hogan gets information from Schultz regarding what is going on. After roll call, back in Hogan's office, Crittendon is there, talking with LeBeau and Carter about Chitterly. LeBeau is fitting Crittendon with a different uniform, and wants lots of medals. Hogan says that the assignment takes a lot of acting. Crittendon starts reciting Shakespeare. Hogan and LeBeau are not impressed with his recitings. Hogan tells LeBeau to shave off Crittendon's mustache and use it for a goatee. Crittendon is surprised and exclaims 'Goatee?!'
Hogan and Carter come up into Klink's quarters through the stove tunnel entrance. Carter is dressed as General von Schlomm. Klink is sleeping on the sofa, rather in the bedroom, where Sir Charles is. Carter/von Schlomm whacks Klink on the bottom of the feet with his riding crop. Klink is suddenly awakened, and after hopping around puts on a bath robe. Klink was surprised that von Schlomm was here that early, as he was expected in the morning. Carter/von Schlomm says that 1 o'clock in the morning is morning; 2 o'clock in the morning is morning; and has Klink repeat that. Chitterly comes out of the bedroom and wants to know what is going on. Carter/von Schlomm tells Klink to get schnapps, and toasts to the completion of the mission, whatever it is. He says that Hitler said to find out what happened to 'Crazy Charlie'. Chitterly, knowing that von Schlomm and Hitler know what his mission is, is surprised at this. He tells Carter/von Schlomm to call him a Messerschmidt and he is going back to England. Carter/von Schlomm says 'You are a Messerschmidt and you are staying here'. Klink leaves the room. Hogan comes up through the stove tunnel entrance. With Carter, he takes Chitterly down into the tunnel.
Klink comes back into the room and says that security has been tightened up. General von Schlomm and Chitterly are both gone. Schultz suggests that they went out the back door; there is no back door. The phone rings, and Schultz picks it up. The message is that General von Schlomm just came in through the front gate. Hogan sees the real von Schlomm, and tells Crittendon to get up to Klink's room.
Von Schlomm and an aide see Klink in the compound, and start going to Klink's quarters. He tells Klink to follow them. He asks to see Sir Charles. In the room, von Schlomm sees open schnapps, and tells Klink that he will make cannon fodder at the Russian front. Von Schlomm says that he will sleep in the outer room. Klink asks where he will sleep; von Schlomm says that Klink will be on a train to Pinsk when von Schlomm leaves for Berlin. He says that Chitterly's wife will be here soon.
After von Schlomm leaves the room, Crittendon goes down into the tunnel and tells Hogan that Chitterly's wife is coming. Hogan says that he got a message from London to find out about the mission. Crittendon does not want to go any further with the impersonation. Hogan then shows Crittendon a picture of Lady Chitterly, and Crittendon agrees to keep going.
Hogan and Crittendon go up the tunnel into Klink's quarters. Von Schlomm, Klink, and Lady Chitterly arrive. She goes into the bedroom. She embraces Crittendon/Sir Charles, and while kissing him, tries to stab him in the back with a large knife. There is some shouting, and Hogan quickly grabs the knife from her. Hogan asks her if she is trying to kill him because he is her husband, or because he is not. She then realizes that this is not the real Sir Charles. Von Schlomm knocks on the door, and Lady Chitterly answers. Von Schlomm says that he heard shouting, and wondered what was going on. Lady Chitterly says 'How quaint', and closes the door. She then tells Hogan and Crittendon that their mission is to bring terms of surrender from Hitler to London, to try to get England to surrender. Hogan then leaves through a back door.
At the end, down in the tunnel, Hogan asks the men for any ideas. Baker says that London says to wait and see what will turn up. Chitterly is down in the tunnel with them; he asks to see his wife. Hogan gets mad at him and says that if he opens his mouth one more time, he WILL see his wife. Chitterly is confused. Hogan walks off.
To be continued in part 2.
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