- Jesse Katsopolis: Tell the little rugrat she's wacko.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: You tell the little rugrat she's wacko! But in a nicer way.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Look at me, I'm a professional bike rider, I never had ONE problem, I miss ONE little sign, BOOM, I'm the mummy man. And what about you, how many pretend haircuts have you given?
- Steph: Including yours...
- [counts on her fingers]
- Steph: Millions.
- Jesse Katsopolis: See? You just made one mistake.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Breakfast is ready. We're having pan...
- [sees Jesse's hair]
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: ... cuts.
- Steph: I can't leave the room. I grounded myself until I'm 82.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: You are not grounded! I'm your father and I'm ordering you to play with your toys.
- Steph: Daddy, please don't make me have fun.
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: I'm sorry, honey, but someday when you're a parent you'll understand.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Hey babe.
- Steph: Hey.
- Jesse Katsopolis: You can come closer.
- Steph: [takes two steps] I better not
- [doubles back]
- Steph: I'm dangerous, that's why you hate me.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Stephanie Judith Tanner, I do NOT hate you.
- Steph: Then why are you yelling and grouchy and telling Daddy to slam doors?
- Jesse Katsopolis: Because I'm frustrated! I... I've been feeling sorry for myself.
- Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: [figuring out what Jesse's limitations are with two broken arms] I think you can scratch bowling off the list.
- Donna Jo 'D.J.' Margaret Tanner: I think you can scratch scratching off the list.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [tries eating cereal with a long wooden spoon, winds up throwing it, Michelle grins] Michelle, if you thought that was funny, you're gonna love this.
- [sticks his head in the bowl to eat, Danny comes down, looks up]
- Jesse Katsopolis: What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a grown man eat cereal before?
- Danny Tanner: Not like a Great Dane.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [coming down the back stairs] Danny! Open the back door!
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Got it!
- Jesse Katsopolis: Open the back door!
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Got it!
- [opens it]
- Jesse Katsopolis: [steps out] Slam it!
- [Danny does]
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: [Jesse's kicking the ruins of his bike] Am I interrupting something?
- Jesse Katsopolis: I don't want to talk about it, I'd leave but my arms can't reach the gate hook.
- Danny Tanner: [Jesse's edging a bowl off the shelf with his teeth] Let me give you a hand.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Do I look like a guy who needs a hand?
- [sticks his head under the bowl and wears it over to the table]
- D.J. Tanner: Steph, you're the only one not helping!
- Stephanie Tanner: I can't help! I can't go near Uncle Jesse, I don't want to break him again.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Steph, you didn't break your uncle Jesse.
- Stephanie Tanner: I only scalped him, wrecked his motorcycle and broke both his arms!
- Danny Tanner: Steph, I can see how you might think you're a little bit jinxed.
- Stephanie Tanner: A little bit jinxed? Daddy, I'm the kiss of death!
- Joseph 'Joey' Gladstone: [upon seeing Jesse's new haircut] You went from Eddie Van Halen to Pee-Wee Van Herman.
- Steph: [talking to Jesse while cutting his hair] So, do you know who Miss Piggy's been dating lately?
- Daniel 'Danny' Tanner: Jesse, what happened to you?
- Jesse Katsopolis: Well, thanks to Mr. Stephanie's pretend haircut, I was forced to get a real one. As I was leaving the parking lot I was so mad that I didn't see this tiny little sign that said 'Severe Tire Damage'.
- [pityingly]
- Jesse Katsopolis: My bike was totaled. Next thing I know, concrete arms.