Frasier (TV Series)

The Late Dr. Crane (1999)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Frasier was mistakenly thought dead for a day] 

  Martin : Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son.

  Frasier : Dad, what are you talking about? You didn't think I was dead.

  Martin : Well, people don't have to know that. I could have been at home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange uneasy feeling so I turn on the TV, and there it is, on the screen: the face of my dead son.

  Frasier : But I was sitting right beside you.

  Martin : What kinda story is that?

  Frasier : It's the truth.

  Martin : Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster.

• Frasier : What, don't you think I can do any of these things?

  Martin : No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier. You always have.

  Frasier : Thank you, Dad.

  Martin : I just wonder about all these projects.

  Frasier : Well, as I said, I am streamlining.

  Martin : You know, I think what you discovered this week is that something's missing from your life. And before you start to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink, I thought you ought to just ask yourself, "what do I really want? What is really going to make me happy... now?"

  [pause] 

  Martin : Well, that's weird. I suddenly feel like having a beer.

• Niles : Are you all right?

  Frasier : Yes. Thank goodness your fist softened the blow of the airbag.

• Frasier : [reading obituary in newspaper]  It's just a little upsetting.

  Roz Doyle : Well, I don't think they meant to be insulting. You are lovably pompous.

• Frasier : [referring to Mel]  Well, she seems a bit much.

  Martin : What do you mean?

  Frasier : Well, dining on the terrace, you have to know the owner. Doesn't she remind you of someone?

  Martin : Yeah, you.

• [Maris had a surgical procedure called botox injections] 

  Niles : They use those toxins that you put in the forehead, it deadens the muscles and takes away the wrinkles. I gave it to her as a gift one year for our anniversary.

  Frasier : Oh, yes, probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it?

• Frasier : I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary.

  [Daphne looks at him askance] 

  Frasier : It's a self- actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it helps you to focus your goals. Here they are, all my hopes and dreams.

  Daphne Moon : [reads]  These are dreams, all right. "Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well as the Kentucky Derby."

  [laughs] 

  Daphne Moon : A jockey at your size? You better start writing an obituary for the horse!

• Frasier : As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.

  Roz Doyle : I know, I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching a television through a department store window, and before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.

  Frasier : Very amusing, Roz!

  Roz Doyle : And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying.

  Frasier : [irate]  Yes, all right, Roz!

• News Anchor : After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure it goes for all of us here at KYLL when I say he'll be sorely missed.

  [cheerful] 

  News Anchor : But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?

  [Frasier, Martin, and Daphne watch in disbelief] 

  Frasier : Dear God!

  Martin : What the hell?

  Daphne Moon : That's unbelievable!

  Niles : Outrageous!