- Mrs. Ari: [at couples therapy] I ask for one hour out of the day for his undivided attention, and I can't even have that.
- Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership and you want nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday!
- Ari Gold: Cole! Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?
- [Ari storms into the room]
- Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?
- Man: That's great! That's awesome!
- Ari Gold: That's "awesome", huh? You didn't think to bring it up in the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking sticky something?
- Man: I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
- Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? Huh? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
- Man: [panicked] I didn't... I didn't think... I... I didn't...
- Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything. You know why? Cause you pick up all your stuff...
- [sweeps everything off the desk onto the floor]
- Ari Gold: ...because you're motherfucking fired!
- [Ari storms out]
- CAA Assistant: What happened?
- Man: I don't know. I was... I was dropping off Peter's mail and then Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!
- Chris: What do you need this money for? You in trouble?
- Johnny 'Drama' Chase: No no, it's nothing like that. It's elective surgery.
- Chris: What are you getting your nose done?
- Johnny 'Drama' Chase: No. Implants. Calf implants.
- Chris: You're sicker than I thought.
- Carrie Carlson: [on her screen] Brad and Jen's master bath. Heartbreaking. Although I heard they might be getting back together.
- [Shauna wags finger and shakes her head]
- Turtle: [with big smile] Hey, Carrie, you have any, uh, pictures of Jen in the tub?
- Shauna: How about I tell Brad Pitt that you said that, Turtle? He'd kick your fucking ass!
- Turtle: Please. I don't think you get where we come from, okay, Shauna? I will slap Brad Pitt in his face!
- Turtle: Yo, James Cameron, Baby. This could be the worst piece-of-shit movie ever, and it'll still make a billion dollars.
- Ari Gold: [had to break off consultation to take this call] There better be a Scud missile heading to Beverly Hills, Eric!
- Eric Murphy: No, it's a fucking iceberg, Ari.
- Ari Gold: What?
- Eric Murphy: James Cameron's directing Aquaman!
- Ari Gold: Fuck you! Where did you hear that, Friendster?
- Eric Murphy: No, I heard it from Josh Weinstein, you jerk-off! Now get your hand off your dick, and go call somebody.