- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: [sits down to type a report] Okay, so, what are we gonna say?
- Lt. James Dempsey: One dark and stormy night...
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Idiot.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Oh, you do it.
- [pulls paper out of the typewriter]
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: You type faster than me anyway.
- Lt. James Dempsey: A canary types faster than you do.
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: [on phone] Tufty, Gordon...
- [turns away from Dempsey and Makepeace]
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Mad Gordon.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: So, who told you not to shout?
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Oh, local quack. Told me to relax.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Stephen Albert Knee
- Lt. James Dempsey: Knee?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: As in 'Bury my heart at Wounded'.
- Lt. James Dempsey: What are you talking about?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: It was a movie.
- Lt. James Dempsey: I never saw it. Was he in it?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: The only thing he's been in is prison. A burglary and accessory to armed robbery. A series actually, very heavy. And as Mad Gordon would say with much claret.
- Lt. James Dempsey: What is this claret stuff?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Blood. Claret as in gore.
- Det. Con. MacPherson: [Dempsey is posing as a hotdog seller] Hey dude, lay some gunge on me.
- Lt. James Dempsey: How bout I lay your head open instead?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Dempsey, D.C. Macpherson from drugs.
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: [taking CB from Chas] Goldfish Niner, this is Big Daddy speaking. Your notes don't make sense.
- Lt. James Dempsey: [on walky talky] They do to me, Big Daddy.
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Prey, who is Ostrich One?
- Lt. James Dempsey: Nobody yet, it's a codename. I think it's the guy behind the nine heists. I haven't got a positive ID on him yet. But we're looking for a diamond group with large overseas connections.
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Speak plain English, Goldfish.
- Julia Powell: Come on daddy, get me to the church on time.
- [to her mother]
- Julia Powell: What is it?
- Miriam Powell: Business dear, he's got a big business problem.
- Sam Powell: [glancing at his pocket watch] Not a problem any more, my darlings. right now, It's being dealt with.
- White Kid: Who the hell are you?
- Lt. James Dempsey: The Lone Ranger.
- [holds up his jacket to show his holster]
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: [the two small time crooks drive off in their buggy] Bye!
- Lt. James Dempsey: Nice work, Tonto.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: How does decoy sound to you?
- Lt. James Dempsey: Yeah, like the short straw?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: I'll do it.
- Lt. James Dempsey: [stops her] It's my favorite.