Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV Series)

The Baptism (2001)

Larry David: Larry David

Photos 

Quotes 

• Man in Airport #1 : I don't have your ticket.

  Larry : Yeah, right, yeah.

  Man in Airport #1 : I have my *own* ticket.

  Larry : Yeah, oh, of course you do.

  Man in Airport #1 : It's a bereavement fare. My mother's dead.

  Larry : Yeah, right, okay, yeah. I'd like to take a look at it, okay? Yeah. It's your ticket... right?

  Man in Airport #1 : You wanna see my ticket?

  Larry : Yeah, I do! Yeah.

  Man in Airport #1 : Okay, you wanna see?

  Larry : Yeah, I do, yeah.

  Man in Airport #1 : Okay, you wanna see? Let's take a look, alright? Shall we?

  Larry : Let's take a look! Yeah! Yeah!

  Man in Airport #1 : What's the name written right here? Is it your name? No, it's mine: Chris Darga. See, if this were *yours*, it would say: Fucking Douchebag. Asshole.

  Larry : Sorry... about your mother.

• Larry : I can't believe this guy's converting. Why's he doing that? You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side. Yeah. Jews don't convert. I'm really surprised.

  Cheryl David : Well, you know what, if he didn't convert she wouldn't marry him. I know that about Becky, she's very... she's very passionate about her religion.

  Larry : Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ, ya know? It's like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It's like I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say you must like lobster? "Eat lobster, it's good, it's good!" It's not only where you live, you go to Africa, you travel all over the world, "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster, it's good."

  Cheryl David : I don't really think it's the same...

  Larry : "WE WANT YOU TO HAVE LOBSTER!"

  Cheryl David : Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities.

• [after Larry has interrupted a baptism because he thought the priest was drowning the man] 

  Woman : You didn't want to lose another Jew.

  Larry : I don't care. What do I need him for?

• Larry : [to Richard Lewis]  Who are people going to believe... an ex-alcoholic or a guy who's been lucid 24/7 his whole life? I didn't steal your message you asshole.