- Sam Malone: So, Jill, it's great to meet such a talented actress. Is there anything I can look forward to seeing you in - like my shower?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Reading trivia question] What civilization was the first known to brew beer?
- Tony: Early Greece.
- Sam Malone: Ancient Rome.
- Norm Peterson: Old Milwaukee.
- Cliff Clavin: You know Woody, the way that Ma got me used to a new vegetable like, say Brussels sprouts, she used to put a few in each of my pockets and have me walk around with them all day.
- Woody Boyd: Well, thanks Mr. Clavin, but Brussel sprouts aren't the problem.
- Cliff Clavin: Oh, you should try it anyway. It's a nice feeling.
- Cliff Clavin: Kale is not a green, per se, but more of a family of greens. See, anything with a pungent aroma and a loose head can properly be called kale.
- Carla Tortelli: Get you another beer, kale?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [Frasier hypnotized Lilith, upon hearing the word 'tractor'] Tractor?
- [raises her arm and belts out singing]
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: The sun will come out, to-morrow!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Lilith! Lower your damn skirt and watch the watch!
- Woody Boyd: I can't believe I was just on 14 channels saying I like this stuff, when I really hate it.
- Cliff Clavin: That's 15 channels, Woody; everyone forgets Lifetime.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No more boilermakers for Dr. Sternin-Crane!
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Frasier, I've had nothing to drink.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Ah! The worst kind of drunk! For your information, Sigmund Freud has a lot to teach us about Woody's problem. I dare say that, if the master were with us today, he would - after striking Lilith - tell us that Woody is suffering from a subconscious barrier, easily removed by some elemental Freudian analysis.
- Woody Boyd: Well, isn't there anything faster?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, many things - but nothing quite as lucrative... But, if you wish instant relief, I suppose we could try a little, uh... well, post-hypnotic suggestion.
- [Lilith sputters derisively]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: ...Another wet objection, my love?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Hypnosis, Frasier? Why only go back a century for your treatment? Why not bleed him with leeches? Or drill a hole in his cranium, and - and let the evil spirits leak out?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Ignore, her, Woody; it's the gin talking.
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Or maybe the reason he doesn't like vegetables is because they remind him of his mother. Ooooh!
- Sam Malone: Hey, hypnosis, huh? That - that's cool, doc.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Sam, hypnosis is not a parlor game. Although, last week at a party, I did get quite a few laughs by hypnotizing Lilith into removing her shoes whenever anyone mentioned brie cheese.
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [while absent-mindedly removing a shoe] Frasier, you did no such thing... Very funny.
- Woody Boyd: I don't know if hypnotism will work on me, Dr. Crane. I'm pretty strong-willed.
- Carla Tortelli: And what's she? Brie cheese?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [removes her other shoe] ... Stop that.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, let's go into the office, and watch that watch.
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Oh, for god's sake, Frasier! First you espouse Sigmund Freud; now you've moved on to Dr. Mesmer. This is not professional conduct.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Point taken, my darling. Oh, by the way - is that a tambourine behind you?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [starting to absent-mindedly unbutton her blouse while looking behind her] A tambourine? What an odd question!... You are in such trouble, mister.