- Woody Boyd: [entering the bar] Hi guys.
- Rebecca Howe: Woody, what are you doing back here?
- Sam Malone: How come you're not on your honeymoon?
- Woody Boyd: Honeymoon? Is that what you call it when two people lock themselves in a room and refuse to speak or even look at each other?
- Norm Peterson: No, Wood. That's marriage.
- Woody Boyd: I love you, Kelly - that's why I'm now a member of the Lutheran Evangelical Church of America. Just like you.
- Kelly Boyd: Oh, Woody! You saved our marriage... What a wonderful sacrifice! Now when we die and go to heaven, we won't be separated by barbed wire and barking dogs... What was it exactly that saved you, Woody?
- Woody Boyd: Something Dr. Crane said.
- Kelly Boyd: ...That thing about how true love can overcome all differences?
- Woody Boyd: Not exactly. He took me aside and said that I'd better get used to giving into you on every point for the rest of our lives if I ever want to see you naked again.
- Kelly Boyd: Well, he is a PhD.
- Woody Boyd: Yes, dear.
- Kelly Boyd: Let's go home.
- Woody Boyd: Yes, dear.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, today... you are a man.
- Woody Boyd: Yes, dear.
- Norm Peterson: Listen, I guess we have to start a new tab, huh? It's too bad we lost my old bar tab in the fire.
- Sam Malone: Oh, no. Actually, I had it in the safe.
- Sam Malone: You did?
- Sam Malone: Uh-hmm.
- Norm Peterson: [incredulous] Why?
- Sam Malone: Well, to tell the truth, it's kind of my most valuable asset. I like to think of it as my, my retirement plan, you know. One of these days, you'll start paying, and I can start thinking about retiring.
- Norm Peterson: Yeah, well, I'd make other plans.
- Bernard: [entering the bar] I'm looking for a Rebecca Howe?
- Rebecca Howe: That's me.
- Bernard: Well, hello. The name's Bernard. If I had known you were such a foxy lady, I would have worn my clean pants.
- Rebecca Howe: Bernard, we need you get the phones working - the one here in the bar, and one back in the office, and the pay phone over there. We haven't had phone service in two weeks.
- Bernard: Relax, pretty lady. I'll give you service. Get it? So much for foreplay.
- Bartender: Carla, I'm going to put a new trainee with you for the next two weeks. She's a bright girl, she's an Anthropology student at BU.
- Bartender: [looking off toward the kitchen] Ellen?
- [from the kitchen, a blonde in a cashmere sweater á la Diane Chambers, walks toward Carla]
- Ellen: Well, you must be Carla. I know what you must be thinking - she doesn't look like a waitress. That's because I'm really a writer. Or actuellement, a poetess.
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [turning, screaming and running away] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!