- Norm Peterson: I know how these father-son relationships can be. I remember my dad didn't want me to get serious with Vera. He had heard that she had loose morals.
- Sam Malone: You're kidding.
- Norm Peterson: He actually got the story wrong. Turns out she had loose molars.
- Carla Tortelli: Sammy, your beer distributor, he says there's some problem with next month's order.
- Sam Malone: Well, let him talk to Woody. Woody handled it last month.
- Carla Tortelli: I think that's the problem.
- Sam Malone: Cliffy.
- Cliff Clavin: Yeah?
- Sam Malone: Telephone.
- Carla Tortelli: Somebody wants to talk to Cliff?
- Norm Peterson: This is a first, bud. I don't think anyone's ever called you here before.
- Cliff Clavin: Yeah, I know who this is. It's a tootsie on my route who's been eyeing the cut of my jib through her Levelors. Yeah, old man's probably out of town, she's looking for a little C.O.D.: Cliffy On Demand.