- Cliff Clavin: It's a genetic quirk in the Clavin family that we all have two extra teeth. You see, that's the only way that we can prove that we are the rightful heirs to the Russian throne.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?
- [after Sam has made a vow to God to give up sex, Sam and Carla argue about what they see as possible signs from God]
- Carla LeBec: Let's face it Sam, that was a warning and you better take heed.
- Sam Malone: OK, come on, what's he going to do?
- Carla LeBec: Well, my cousin Tino...
- Sam Malone: Yeah?
- Carla LeBec: ...swore he'd give up meat. That night, he ate a burger. The next day, his teeth fell out.
- Sam Malone: Oh, come on Carla, there's no connection, here. I swore would not have sex, so... Oh, oh, oh...
- Rachel Patterson: [walks up behind Sam, puts her hands over his eyes] Guess who.
- Sam Malone: Uh-oh.
- Rachel Patterson: I'll give you a hint: Vermont ski lodge, a roaring fire, and baby oil.
- Sam Malone: Um... could you be more specific?
- Suzanne Porter: Boy, what a day.
- Sam Malone: Yeah?
- Suzanne Porter: Yeah. I can't wait for it to end. All I can think about is getting home and jumping into bed.
- Sam Malone: Do you need anybody to break your fall? Hi, Sam Malone.
- Suzanne Porter: Hi, Suzanne Porter.
- Woody Boyd: Sam, you done picking up on this lady?
- Sam Malone: Not quite Woody.
- Woody Boyd: I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Denise called.
- Sam Malone: Ohhhh, Denise.
- Suzanne Porter: Who's Denise?
- Sam Malone: Um, my brother's kid. Uh, Denise, yeah. I have to say hi to her and her brother, Denephew.
- [Sam is rushing out of the bar to see old flame Denise]
- Suzanne Porter: Where are you going?
- Sam Malone: Ah, to my niece's house. Her grandma's sick.
- Suzanne Porter: If it's your niece's grandma, wouldn't that be your mother?
- Sam Malone: My mom's sick? Oh my God.
- Carla LeBec: [about Sam's news that he may have fathered a child] Are you sure it's yours?
- Sam Malone: No, it's between me and another guy, but the kid's a real looker, so, you know, you figure it out.
- Norm Peterson: Oh Carla, you know that pitcher of beer you left on your tray? Some guy from Table 6 came and drank it.
- Carla LeBec: I don't have a Table 6.
- Norm Peterson: I knew I should have said Table 5.