Cheers (TV Series)

Swear to God (1988)

Ted Danson: Sam Malone

Photos 

Quotes 

• [after Sam has made a vow to God to give up sex, Sam and Carla argue about what they see as possible signs from God] 

  Carla LeBec : Let's face it Sam, that was a warning and you better take heed.

  Sam Malone : OK, come on, what's he going to do?

  Carla LeBec : Well, my cousin Tino...

  Sam Malone : Yeah?

  Carla LeBec : ...swore he'd give up meat. That night, he ate a burger. The next day, his teeth fell out.

  Sam Malone : Oh, come on Carla, there's no connection, here. I swore would not have sex, so... Oh, oh, oh...

• Rachel Patterson : [walks up behind Sam, puts her hands over his eyes]  Guess who.

  Sam Malone : Uh-oh.

  Rachel Patterson : I'll give you a hint: Vermont ski lodge, a roaring fire, and baby oil.

  Sam Malone : Um... could you be more specific?

• Suzanne Porter : Boy, what a day.

  Sam Malone : Yeah?

  Suzanne Porter : Yeah. I can't wait for it to end. All I can think about is getting home and jumping into bed.

  Sam Malone : Do you need anybody to break your fall? Hi, Sam Malone.

  Suzanne Porter : Hi, Suzanne Porter.

  Woody Boyd : Sam, you done picking up on this lady?

  Sam Malone : Not quite Woody.

  Woody Boyd : I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Denise called.

  Sam Malone : Ohhhh, Denise.

  Suzanne Porter : Who's Denise?

  Sam Malone : Um, my brother's kid. Uh, Denise, yeah. I have to say hi to her and her brother, Denephew.

• [Sam is rushing out of the bar to see old flame Denise] 

  Suzanne Porter : Where are you going?

  Sam Malone : Ah, to my niece's house. Her grandma's sick.

  Suzanne Porter : If it's your niece's grandma, wouldn't that be your mother?

  Sam Malone : My mom's sick? Oh my God.

• Carla LeBec : [about Sam's news that he may have fathered a child]  Are you sure it's yours?

  Sam Malone : No, it's between me and another guy, but the kid's a real looker, so, you know, you figure it out.