Cheers (TV Series)

One for the Book (1982)

Ted Danson: Sam Malone

Quotes 

• Sam Malone : Hi. What'll you have?

  Kevin : Ah, I'll have a carafe of your house whiskey.

  Sam Malone : Excuse me?

  Kevin : Ah, is that a bad order?

  Sam Malone : Well, not if you're a party of twenty.

• Sam Malone : You're telling me that I'm too dumb to be in that book.

  Diane Chambers : Sam, there are a lot of people in this book just as dumb as you are.

• Sam Malone : Oh, sir, save your quarter. That piano hasn't worked in twenty years.

  Carla Tortelli : Use the jukebox. It doesn't work, either, but it's only a dime.

  Norm Peterson : Sammy, why do you keep something around that doesn't work?

  Carla Tortelli : [next to Diane]  Because no one else will give her a job.

• [Kevin, a novice drinker, is drunk. Sam, in an effort to sober him up, has been serving him coffee] 

  Kevin : Sam, I want a drink that only men drink. Something that makes women sick.

  Sam Malone : I'll give you some more coffee.

  Kevin : No, no, I want something stronger than coffee.

  Sam Malone : I'll give you yesterday's coffee.

• Sam Malone : When I played baseball, I mean I used to get quoted all the time. I mean, reporters used to hang around my locker just waiting for me to say something intelligent.

  Diane Chambers : I know the feeling.