- Woody Boyd: Hey Sam. Sorry I'm late. I had to stop at the drugstore.
- Sam Malone: That's OK, Woody.
- Woody Boyd: Yup. Had to make another embarrassing trip to the drugstore to get a little uh...
- [Woody pauses with embarrassment]
- Sam Malone: [under his breath] ... protection?
- Woody Boyd: Yeah. You know, Kelly and I want to have a family and all, but we figured we'd wait until after that raise you promised.
- Sam Malone: I hope you got a lot of protection!
- Woody Boyd: Well, as usual you know, I'm a little embarrassed and nervous when I go in there, so I buy a whole bunch of stuff so it doesn't look like I'm just going to get some... you know.
- Sam Malone: Protection.
- Woody Boyd: Yeah.
- Woody Boyd: [starts emptying his shopping bag] So I got some paper plates, batteries, flash bulbs, Skoal, some gum, Chia Pet, eyeglass repair kit yeah, oh notebook paper, and VO5.
- Sam Malone: Where's the protection?
- Woody Boyd: See you in about an hour, Sam.
- Serafina Tortelli: [to Carla] I need to talk to you.
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You're pregnant.
- Rebecca Howe: Carla, that is a rude and unfair thing to say. There's a million reasons why your daughter would want to talk to you.
- Serafina Tortelli: I am pregnant.
- Rebecca Howe: Then again, you raised a slut.
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [about Serafina's pregnancy] First of all, are you getting sick in the mornings?
- Serafina Tortelli: A little bit, but I haven't had to Clavin if that's what you mean.
- John Allen Hill: All right, Miss Tortelli, just what is it?
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: My daughter, Serafina, just announced that she's getting married.
- John Allen Hill: [to Serafina] Congratulations. When's the baby due?
- Rebecca Howe: I did not appreciate the nude photos of yourself that you sent.
- Gino Tortelli: You know, that's the best I could do with the machine at the mall.
- Nick Tortelli: I have an opportunity to purchase an orangutan act.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [to Cliff, under his breath] Did he say purchase or join?
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: [about Serafina's wedding] Serafina, I really want to apologize about the way I acted this afternoon, and I promise I'll be on my best behavior at your next wedding.
- Serafina Tortelli: [emotional with love at Carla's announcement] Oh, Ma.
- Serafina Tortelli: [after recapping all of Nick's faults] But whether you like it or not, Ma, he's my father, and I have always dreamed of one day getting married and walking down the aisle and having my father give me away, just like every girl does.
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Not every girl, Serafina, my father didn't give me away.
- Serafina Tortelli: And how'd that make you feel?
- Carla Tortelli-LeBec: ...Pretty rotten.
- Nick Tortelli: One of the orangutans bit a kid, I gotta get back to Vegas before they put him to sleep.
- Norm Peterson: The orangutan or the kid?
- Nick Tortelli: I didn't ask.