Cheers (TV Series)

For Real Men Only (1989)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Woody Boyd : It's a memory quilt that all the women in my family made for me when I graduated from high school.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I've heard of these things. A bunch of women get together and embroider patches that string together the happy memories of a young man's life.

  Cliff Clavin : So these women were authentic folk artists then, huh?

  Woody Boyd : No, just bored housewives.

  Woody Boyd : Hey, check this out. See this soft blue square here? This is a piece of my very first baby blanket.

  Norm Peterson : Now, what do those little dots signify?

  Woody Boyd : Oh, that represents my very first childhood disease: smallpox. I almost died.

  Cliff Clavin : Uh, what's that long green thing there?

  Woody Boyd : Oh, this is the bean stalk from my very first high school play. I fell off it during the first act, cracked two ribs and punctured a lung. I almost died.

  Woody Boyd : Oh, this red patch here represents the big fire that burned down my house when I was six.

  Norm Peterson : And what, you almost died?

  Woody Boyd : No, I got out. And while I was running away, I fell in this well right here, and I almost...

  [pauses] 

  Woody Boyd : Well, you know.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [about himself]  I mean, how can you go back to a room where people think you're a total idiot. I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?

  Cliff Clavin : Well, I don't really like to divulge... hey!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : God, aren't I a pompous ass.

  Sam Malone : No, you're not pompous.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : OK, people! Let's get this bris show on the road! Chop chop! Ooh, sorry... poor choice of words.

• Sam Malone : [after the bris, walking out of the pool room with a crying Frederick in his arms]  It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [following Sam, with a crying Lilith in his arms]  It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time, we have a girl?

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : [whimpering]  Mm-hm.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Walking into Cheers with Frederick when he is supposed to be having his bris]  The bris is off, I've kidnapped my son.

  Sam Malone : You kidnapped him? What about the bris?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Sam, I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, I tried to, for tradition and Lilith and all that. But, my God, I'm the boy's father. And that guy was about to give my son one hell of a boo-boo!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Talking about Frederick's impending bris, to which everyone has been invited]  You know, the ceremony promises to be quite enlightening, too. After all, it's not every day you're ritually circumcised.

  Sam Malone : [Alarmed]  What?

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : Well, that's what a bris is.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the baby is circumcised.

  Sam Malone : [Much relieved]  Oh, the baby!

• [Frasier walks into the bar wearing an overcoat that's obviously concealing something underneath] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hello, everyone!

  Rebecca Howe : Hi, Frasier! Are you through with the bris?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes! Yes! Yes! My son is happy, healthy, and nowhere in the vicinity of this bar. OUCH! Say, just out of curiosity, now, does anyone in the bar happen to be lactating, and in need of some quick cash?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [Heading toward Sam's office]  Well, if so, just meet me in the office. Ouch!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [Talking to the coat]  Damn it, Frederick! Give it up! It's just not going to happen!

  Woody Boyd : [to Rebecca]  You know what? I think he's got the baby under that coat.

• [the bris is over] 

  Sam Malone : [Walks out of the pool room cradling a whimpering baby Frederick]  It's OK, baby. Everything will be fine.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [Walks out of the pool room carrying a whimpering Lilith]  It's Ok, baby. Everything will be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time we have a girl?

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Whimpers; nods her assent]