Cheers (TV Series)
Birth, Death, Love and Rice (1985)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [after telling the story of how Diane left him at the altar] The story of my humiliation spread like wildfire through the university, and then to the entire Italian countryside. Everyone knew about it, everyone knew about my shame.
Sam Malone : No, you must have been imagining it.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, was I? Do you know that in soccer, when a player kicks at the ball, misses and falls down, it's now called a 'Frasier'?
Sam Malone : That could be a coincidence.
Dr. Frasier Crane : If he's knocked cold, it's called a 'Frasier Crane'!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [about Diane leaving him at the altar] I've lost everything Malone: my tenure, my practice and my Diane. My life is ruined and it's all your fault. Don't you think someone should pay for that?
[Frasier pulls out a gun and points it in Sam's direction]
Sam Malone : If by someone you mean someone in this room, I, I can honesty answer no, I don't. Oh, come on.
[suddenly becomes calmer]
Sam Malone : Ah, wait a second. What are you doing? The gun's not even loaded.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Certainly it's loaded.
Sam Malone : No it isn't.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, of course you know it's not, because Frasier Crane is a harmless person, who never caused you a moment's concern, not a moment's worry, who was never a threat to your relationship with Diane, and he isn't a threat now. Is that it, Sam?
Sam Malone : [points in the gun's direction] No, it's just that the little holes there are empty.
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[Frasier has finished telling Sam about Diane's debauchery in Italy after she left him at the altar]
Sam Malone : [Incredulous] Diane, dancing on tabletops? You mean, my-- your-- our... *the* Diane?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. All of them.
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Sam Malone : [after hearing about how Diane left Frasier, and assuring Frasier that he was over Diane] If you know what's good for you, I think you should forget about her too.
Dr. Frasier Crane : [Ruefully] Oh, I'll forget about her. I'll forget about her when the moon turns to ashes and the birds sing nevermore.
Sam Malone : [Upbeat; slaps Frasier on the shoulder] There you go!