Cheers (TV Series)

2 Good 2 Be 4 Real (1985)

Rhea Perlman: Carla Tortelli

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carla Tortelli : [about her brutally honest personal ad]  Oh sure, I could tell 'em I got no kids, right? I could tell them that I'm twenty-one, five-nine, gorgeous green eyes, flaming red hair, and ta-ta's till Tuesday. How am I going to explain to him how I really look when he sees me?

  Sam Malone : Stress?

  Carla Tortelli : Hey! All right! Next time I spill my guts, remind me to do it in front of friends.

  Sam Malone : I'm just trying to cheer you up.

  Carla Tortelli : I am in no mood to be cheered up. Next guy tries to cheer me up is going to get open face surgery.

  [Carla storms out of the room] 

  Norm Peterson : I don't get it. She's got ta-ta's till Monday afternoon at least.

• [Carla has just found out that Mitch the airline pilot does not exist, and she is ready to head off on a date with Vinnie] 

  Carla Tortelli : Hey Vinnie, could you do me a favor?

  [Vinnie nods positively] 

  Carla Tortelli : Just for tonight, could you pretend that your name is Mitch, and that you're an airline pilot?

  Vinnie Claussen : Well, I guess, if you'll call yourself Raven and pretend you're a Vegas showgirl.

  Carla Tortelli : You're weird. I like that.

• Sam Malone : Before I start, do me a favor, would you? Stick your hands in your pockets and keep 'em there until I finish.

  Carla Tortelli : What's going on?

  Sam Malone : Just humor me, will you?

  Carla Tortelli : [putting her hands in her pockets]  Okay, but don't start in on me about going out with this Claussen guy. He's all right, but he's no Mitch.

  Sam Malone : Listen to me. Mitch doesn't exist. The guys and I made him up.

  Carla Tortelli : You what?

  Sam Malone : Well, you were so depressed, we figured we had to do something, so we made the guy up, wrote the letters, and rented a post office box for you to write to him.

  [Carla kicks him in the shin] 

  Sam Malone : [stumbling into the men's room and back out]  Ow! Damn. Ow. Damn, I forgot about the feet.

• Sam Malone : Well, look here - a letter for Carla Tortelli.

  Carla Tortelli : Let me see, let me see!

  [Snatches at the letter] 

  Sam Malone : [Holds it away from her]  What's the magic word?

  Carla Tortelli : Gelding!

  Sam Malone : [Hands her the letter]  That's the one.