The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

The Clampetts in London (1967)

Buddy Ebsen: Jed Clampett

Quotes 

• Jethro Bodine : Will y'all stop worryin'. You're travellin' with an educated man.

  Elly May Clampett : You only gradiated 6th grade.

  Jed Clampett : Elly, you can't fault twelve years of schoolin'.

• Cedric Giles-Evans : I'm Cedric Giles-Evans from the firm representing the estate of your distant cousin, the late Marcus.

  Jed Clampett : Well I'm very pleased to meet you, Mr. Evans. This here is Granny and my daughter, Elly May.

  Daisy Moses : Howdy.

  Jed Clampett : He says that my cousin Marcus is late.

  Cedric Giles-Evans : Um, he's deceased.

  Jed Clampett : Oh, he's in luck 'cause Granny's a doctor.

  Elly May Clampett : What kind of disease does he got?

• Jane Hathaway : I cannot permit you to bring it into the country. You should have emptied this jug before you boarded the plane.

  Jed Clampett : If I'd a emptied that jug, I wouldn't have needed no plane!

• Chemist : If I could write the beauty of your eyes, And in fresh numbers number all of your graces, The age to come would say 'This poet lies; Such heavenly touches ne'er touched earthly faces.'

  Daisy Moses : What do you make of that, Jed?

  Jed Clampett : Guess he kinda took a shine to you.

• Daisy Moses : What's that, Jed?

  Jed Clampett : Well, it's supposed to be 25 pounds of English money, but whoever weighed it must've had his thumb on the scale.

• Daisy Moses : Let's get back to my Shakespeare.

  Chemist : Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

  Daisy Moses : He just can't keep his mind on business.

  Jed Clampett : I told you, Granny, that rascal's took with you.

• Daisy Moses : Tell you what. I'll take a whole sonnet of that Shakespeare.

  Chemist : May I suggest some 'Venus and Adonis'?

  Daisy Moses : If it's good stuff.

  Chemist : Touch but my lips with those fair lips of thine, - Though mine be not so fair, yet are they red - The kiss shall be thine own as well as mine.

  Daisy Moses : Why don't you take a walk, Jed?

  Jed Clampett : What about your duty to Marcus?

  Daisy Moses : Who?

  Jed Clampett : Cousin Marcus, layin' sick in the castle, your patient.

  Daisy Moses : Patients I can git, Jed, but at my age, suitors are kinda scarce.

• Jed Clampett : [to the chemist]  You can mail us the Shakespeare.

  Daisy Moses : [to the chemist]  Bring it yourself, honey.