- Jake Malinak: Bob, you solve problems. Me, I sell people candy, cigarettes, and porn. I am their problems.
- Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Becker, I didn't know you had a cell phone.
- Dr. John Becker: I only use it for emergencies-like proving you wrong.
- Jake Malinak: [answering Bob's phone] Yeah? Your shower's leaking? You're on the list!
- Bob: How's it feel?
- Jake Malinak: [shaking his head with glee] It feels good!
- Dr. John Becker: [as date is leaving in disgust from his changed personality] Come one Beth, you gotta believe me. I don't care about your day. I don't care about your feelings. And you know what? That dress makes your ass look huge!
- Dr. John Becker: [as he is leaving Reggie's diner] And you! When are you going to fix my damn stove?
- Bob: You're on the list.
- [after Becker leaves]
- Bob: Like there's a list.