- [Stan brings home a baby to replace Hayley when she moves out]
- Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
- Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.
- [Roger must play a burn victim in front of Steve's crush]
- Roger the Alien: I even watched the latest Meg Ryan movie where she played that burn victim.
- Steve Smith: She never played a burn victim.
- [Steve walks off]
- Roger the Alien: Oh, Meg, honey...
- Newspaper headline: Optimist Drowns in Half-full Tub.
- [At her new stripping job, Hayley's parents stay to watch]
- Stanley Smith: Shake it, baby! You will not break it!
- Francine Smith: It took me nine months to make it!
- Francine Smith: How's your French toast, honey?
- Stanley Smith: Smelly and ungrateful! But this "American toast" is fantastic!
- Francine Smith: How's everyone's French toast?
- Stanley Smith: Smelly and ungrateful! But this American toast is delicious.
- [Family is playing Scrabble]
- Steve Smith: Quivecs? That's not a word.
- Roger the Alien: It is on my planet!
- Francine Smith: Is it a proper noun?
- [beat]
- Roger the Alien: Damn!
- [rearranges letters]
- Hayley Smith: [At a party] Jeff you were so good at dinner.
- Jeff: Babe we're good together, which is why I was thinking you should move in with me.
- Hayley Smith: Woah it's only been three weeks and besides I don't think my dad would be too happy about that.
- Jeff: Babe your dad digs me, I can tell he wants us to be together
- [Two CIA agents Stan hired break into the house, stuff Hayley into a sack, and drive off with her in a helicopter]