American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005 Video)
Tad Hilgenbrink: Matt Stifler
Photos
Quotes
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Elyse : Are you okay?
Matt Stifler : Oh, yeah.
Elyse : I'm so drunk right now... I'm probably gonna forget about you... porkin' an oboe!
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Matt Stifler : Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.
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Ernie Kaplowitz : I really want to work for NASA.
Matt Stifler : National Anal Sex Association?
Ernie Kaplowitz : No it's Space Assoc... There's an Anal Sex Association?
Matt Stifler : Oh, yeah, but you've got to be a pro. Wait, there's a Space Association?
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Elyse : Do you know what you just did?
Matt Stifler : Doesn't matter. Fucker's going down!
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Matt Stifler : I'll have you giving Chloe the pelvic noogie inside a week.
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Ernie Kaplowitz : Are you really Scottish?
Matt Stifler : Fuck no! My mom made me learn an instrument; that's the most annoying one I could think of.
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Brandon Vandecamp : You're going down.
Matt Stifler : No, I'm not. But your mom did last night. Did she play the trumpet? 'Cause she has really strong lips.
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Ernie Kaplowitz : Get her drunk? That's the secret of the ages, that's step number two?
Matt Stifler : No, actually it's step four - but you don't have the balls for two, or the tongue for three!
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Matt Stifler : How's that taste, Vande-cock? Mmmm... good, huh? Warm and salty? Yeah, it's a CUM-pletely new formula! 100% Stiffy Juice! SPF 69!
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Oscar : Let's go Horndog. That's is nickname. Dude will stick his dick in anything, it's unnatural.
Jimmy : This one time in Band Camp, I fucked an oboe.
Matt Stifler : WHAT?
Jimmy : Blowing it for a while. Get that wood nice and warm. Slap on some valve oil, and GO TO TOWN yo!
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[Mr. Levenstein is introducing himself to Matt]
Mr. Levenstein : I'm the MACRO, Mr. Levenstein.
Matt Stifler : Holy shit, you're Jim's dad. He screwed that red headed nympho chick at my lake house.
Mr. Levenstein : Oh my. You're not a Stifler?
Mr. Levenstein : Yeah, I'm Steve's brother, Matt.
Mr. Levenstein : There are two Stiflers?
Matt Stifler : Yes, sir. Hey, what are you doing here?
Mr. Levenstein : Oh. Well, Jim is now out of the house, married to Michelle, that red headed nympho chick that you spoke of.
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Matt Stifler : What the fuck!
Brandon's friend 1 : Are you a rookie, you look lost?
Matt Stifler : Are you an asshole, you're hairy and you smell like shit!
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Brandon Vandecamp : I see you 're not wearing you beanie, Stifler.
Matt Stifler : Well, how about I take his beanie...
[takes off Ernie's beanie]
Matt Stifler : ...and put it on my weenie?