Wake Up, Ron Burgundy (2004 Video)
Will Ferrell: Ron Burgundy
Quotes
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Ron Burgundy : Brick, what are you eating?
Brick Tamland : Oh, it is one of those delicious falafel hot dogs with cinnamon and bacon on top.
Ron Burgundy : What do you mean "one of those?" Those don't exist... that's a used coffee filter with cigarette butts on it.
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Ron Burgundy : [warming up before the news] A tarantula enjoys a fine chewing gum.
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Ron Burgundy : Looks like the captain's back.
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Jess Moondragon : Mother Nature sure got up on the right side of bed today, huh?
Ron Burgundy : [laughs] She's a giving lady!
Jess Moondragon : Yeah.
Ron Burgundy : Mother Nature, she is.
Jess Moondragon : She didn't even bother to put on makeup!
[they laugh]
Jess Moondragon : You know, I - I'd deeply like to take her and... make love to her.
Ron Burgundy : Mm! She's an elusive goddess, Mother Nature.
Jess Moondragon : Yeah. Still, to... feel her succulent breasts pressed against me, and... my breath whispering hot in her ear. Yeah, baby. While I fumble with my belt... you get my drift, friend?
Ron Burgundy : Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do. But therein lies the rub, for she turns away all suitors.
Jess Moondragon : I'd like to take Mother Nature to a sleazy motel, get in the shower, and... wash each other all over, and then go in the bedroom and do things you can only do in Bangkok...
Ron Burgundy : All right, I'm gonna have to stop you there; you're making me very uncomfortable.
Jess Moondragon : Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I... Mother Nature does that to me.
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[Ron, Brian, Champ and Brick drive to the observatory]
Champ Kind : I love you, Ron.
[pause]
Champ Kind : I said I love you, Ron.
[pause]
Champ Kind : Why is everyone ignoring me? I love you, Ron! And I think we should adopt a child together in Vermont! Answer me!
Ron Burgundy : Um... so... uh... the... the car's running great.
Brian Fantana : Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Ron Burgundy : Take it for a tune-up?
Brian Fantana : Yeah.
Ron Burgundy : Uh-huh.
Brian Fantana : Changed the oil...
Ron Burgundy : Good!
Brian Fantana : And, uh...
Champ Kind : [shouts] Answer me! Ron! Ron, I know you heard me. I love you... and I want to be with you... like men. I want to be inside you. I want you inside me.
Brian Fantana : All right, anybody's up for the radio?
Ron Burgundy : I would love to hear the radio.
Brick Tamland : Yeah.
Champ Kind : [shouts] No radio! I have something to say to Ron! You know I've had feelings for you for a long time! We'd be good together, Ron, I-I-I'm a good cook. Uh... do you like your feet rubbed? I'll bet you do. I'll-I'll rub 'em, and, uh, maybe we could get married in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach - I already called him last week, I hope that's okay with you.
Ron Burgundy : Mexican food on me?
Brian Fantana : Hey, that sounds good.
Brick Tamland : Yeah, burrito!
Ron Burgundy : Okay.
Champ Kind : Say it! Say "Champ Burgundy," say it!
Brick Tamland : Tostada!
Ron Burgundy : Uh, tostadas would be great!
Champ Kind : [shouts] I am in love with Ron Burgundy! I'm always thinking about you, Ron! I have dream journals about you - filled pages! When I make love to women, I close my eyes and think of you when I finish! Ron Burgundy is in love with me!
[sings]
Champ Kind : "Ron Burgundy and Champion Kind, oh, let's... be so beautiful together, running in the grass, in the summer and the fall, and winter time too..."
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Ron Burgundy : [while making love to Veronica Corningstone] Hey, wake the black lady up.
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Ron Burgundy : [singing] Hush little baby daddy's going to eat you...
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Ron Burgundy : So Champ, did you get lucky last night?
Champ Kind : Oh no, uh, last night... oh, I stayed home for awhile, drank about six bottles of white wine, pissed my pants, so I drove down to Mexico, and shot some stray dogs. You know, pretty much standard Tuesday night.
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Ron Burgundy : Spiderman's balls that hurt!
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Ron Burgundy : I'll have a Beefeater and tonic. Hold the tonic.
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[Ron, Brian, Champ, and Brick are all laughing heavily over a joke Champ Kind has made]
Ron Burgundy : An astute observation lead to laughter!
Ron Burgundy : We are laughing!
[Everyone continues to laugh]
Ron Burgundy : And it is continuing...
[They laugh less]
Ron Burgundy : And it is slowing down, but there is still a good spirit!
Ron Burgundy : And it is slowly getting less.
Brian Fantana : We got it Ron...
[Champ let's out a giggle]
Ron Burgundy : There's a little chuckle.
Ron Burgundy : And... it's done.
Brian Fantana : You really wreck moments when you do that Ron.