Drawn Together (2004–2007)
Adam Carolla: Spanky Ham
Photos
Quotes
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[Spanky and Clara are neck deep in a ball pit and are discussing her bigoted views]
Princess Clara : I don't see why I should apologize. I mean, where I come from all my servants are black... or Presbyterian.
Spanky Ham : Yea, but honey, where you come from animated objects spring to life and spout silly catchphrases.
Blue Ball : [springs to life] Whach'u talkin' 'bout, pig?
Princess Clara : No, he's right, Blue Ball. Maybe I should just apologize.
Blue Ball : Usually, Clara looks to us for advice, but this time it came from Spanky. It's a good thing too, because I was going tell her to shoot the President.
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Spanky Ham : Oh, this is too good. She thinks you're a servant... CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK!
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Spanky Ham : They're gonna cut off my health insurance? I'll be more diseased than Dumpy the Medical Waste Man!
Dumpy the Medical Waste Man : [Cut to medical waste container full of syringes] Kill Me!
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Captain Hero : Hey, pig! Great news!
Wooldoor Sockbat : Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol!
Captain Hero : Are you defecating into a cantalope?
Spanky Ham : [farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze.
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Vietnamese kid : Please Honorable Spanky-san. We are losing our jobs and we can't eat or live.
Spanky Ham : Yeah? Well, me no care-y!
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Spanky Ham : What you need is some good old-fashioned positive reinforcement. You can do this.
[starts whipping Ling-Ling]
Spanky Ham : I respect you because you're you! There's two I's in Ling Ling!
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Spanky Ham : [laughing] Oh My God! she thinks your our servant, cause your black! Haa Haa, this is the best day of my miserable life, SWEEET! I love racism!
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[Clara just called Spanky's hobby of craping on pizza a little game]
Spanky Ham : What? What did you just say? The travel sized version of Battleships, *that's* a little game! Screwing with the Pizza Man, that's a way of life! Its who-I-Am!
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Spanky Ham : Says to Princess Clara - if that will get you out of this ball-pit so I can check out that precious vertical smile of yours.
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Spanky Ham : Nothin reminds me of my first time like a chick crying!
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Spanky Ham : I don't remember ordering a pizza...
[opens a box with his turd in it]
Spanky Ham : with sausage!
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Spanky Ham : Why must I ruin everything beautiful?
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Spanky Ham : I, for one, am not just going to wait around to be swallowed by a giant vagina!
[thinks for a minute]
Spanky Ham : Huh? Oh... wait, no, no, no.