Paul Rudd: Brian Fantana
Photos
Quotes
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Brian Fantana : [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy : Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana : No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy : It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana : Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy : It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana : Yep.
Ron Burgundy : Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana : They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
[cheesy grin]
Ron Burgundy : That doesn't make sense.
Brian Fantana : Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
[snarls]
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Brian Fantana : I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy : Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana : I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy : That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana : She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy : I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana : Damn it.
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Veronica Corningstone : My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana : That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone : God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana : You know, desire smells like that to some people.
News Station Employee : [disgusted] What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee : [horrified] Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Brian Fantana : [tries to act casual and walk away] Whoa, what's that smell?
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Ron Burgundy : Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana : Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind : Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland : Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana : No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland : Brian.
Brian Fantana : I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland : Veronica.
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Brick Tamland : [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana : Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
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Brian Fantana : Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind : Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland : Fantastic.
Ron Burgundy : Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland : Okay.
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Brian Fantana : Don't get me wrong, I *love* the ladies. I mean they rev my engine, but they do NOT belong in the newsroom!
Champ Kind : It is anchor *man*, not anchor *lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland : [Absolutely furious] I don't know what we're yelling about!
Brian Fantana : You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy : [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes! And her hair smells like cinnamon!
Brick Tamland : [shouts] *LOUD* *NOISES*!
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Ron Burgundy : Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!
[Brian shuts office door]
Ron Burgundy : Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana : Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
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Brian Fantana : People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westphal and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.
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Ron Burgundy : [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.
Brian Fantana , Brick Tamland : [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy : You guys have it, I think.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Afternoon delight.
Champ Kind : I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana : Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland : Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana : Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland : Man.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Afternoon delight.
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Ron Burgundy : Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana : Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana : Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk!
Ron Burgundy : Great story. Compelling, and rich.
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Champ Kind : The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy : That's a given.
Champ Kind : We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!
[laughs playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve]
Champ Kind : I miss your scent.
[composes himself, becomes serious]
Champ Kind : I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
Brian Fantana : Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.
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Brian Fantana : So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight.
Ron Burgundy : Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.
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Brian Fantana : Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
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Brian Fantana : That was one crazy party. I am *hung ovaaah!*.
Champ Kind : [theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland : Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.
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Ron Burgundy : Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.
Brian Fantana : Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.
Champ Kind : You sound like a gay.
Ron Burgundy : Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.
Brian Fantana : There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused
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Ron Burgundy : Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana : I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy : Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.
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[last lines]
Ron Burgundy : We are laughing and we are very good friends. Good buddies sharing a special moment...
Brian Fantana : Don't say anything Ron and just let it happen.
Ron Burgundy : ...laughing and enjoying our friendship, and someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.
Brian Fantana : Yeah, yeah. You know, you really ruin moments when you do that.
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Brian Fantana : [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
Brick Tamland : [breaks out laughing] That's a good one.
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Champ Kind : What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy : The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana : No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland : Yeah, what is that?
