Osmosis Jones (2001)
Bill Murray: Frank Detorre
Photos
Quotes
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Frank : [after almost dying, but returning to life; to Shane] Your momma says "hi".
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Bob : Listen. Why don't you sit her down and tell her that if anything ever happens to you, I will take care of her. Okay? I will raise her, I will nurture her, I will love her, and then when she's sixteen, I'll boot her out the door.
Frank : Sixteen?
Bob : Well, yeah. I not going to mommy her forever, okay? I mean, sixteen, sure.
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Frank : 99 kinds of wings! 128 different dipping sauces! You love math, crunch the numbers on that - and tell me the possibilities aren't INFINITE!
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Frank : Hey, partner, what you got there?
Oyster Boy : Oh, these? These are polluted oysters. Well, they WERE polluted. I replanted them in six weeks ago. That's how long the state says you gotta do it for. And every time the tide came in, it flushed all the bad stuff out.
Frank : Can you eat 'em?
Oyster Boy : Well, if my hypotenuse is correct...
[hesitantly]
Oyster Boy : sure. Y-y-yeah, definitely.
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Drix : [Deleted scene, Drix and Ozzy are in an ocean of mucus] Well, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into.
Osmosis : Me? What are you talking about? You've got a lot of nerve.
Drix : Oh, don't act so innocent. When I first entered this body,
Osmosis : Uh, Drix.
Drix : I knew things would be difficult but I never imagined I would have to work...
Osmosis : Uh, Drix.
Drix : Quiet, I'm not finished!
Osmosis : Hey! Look, Drix! Look behind you! We're about to be wiped under a table!
Drix : What? Ah! Jones! Jones!
Osmosis : Give me your hand!
Drix : We're going to die!
Bob : Jeez, Frank, I'm standing right here. Can you... uh... use a tissue or something?
Frank : I don't have one.
Bob : Well, use your imagination.
Frank : What's that over there?
[Frank swallows his mucus]
Frank : Better?
Bob : Much better.
Frank : I gotta go get her.
Bob : Alright.
Frank : She'll be excited. She'll probably call you.
Bob : Good.
Drix : If it wasn't for you, none of this would have ever happened. Now, if you'll excuse me, I
[Drix is coughing]
Drix : have a nose to dry.
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Bob : Jeez, Frank, I'm standing right here. Can you use a tissue?
Frank : I don't have one.
Bob : Well, use your imagination.
Frank : What's that over there?
[Frank swallows his mucus]
Frank : Better?
Bob : Much better.
Frank : I gotta go get her.
Bob : Alright.
Frank : She'll be excited. She'll probably call you.
Bob : Good.
Drix : If it wasn't for you, none of this would have ever happened. Now, if you'll excuse me, I
[Drix is coughing]
Drix : have a nose to dry.
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Dispatcher : [Deleted scene] Suspect is headed towards the uvula. Repeat: headed towards the uvula.
Osmosis : What the hell is a uvula?
Drix : It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...
Osmosis : Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
Drix : Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!
Osmosis : I knew that. I know that.
[the car drives off in the wrong way and towards the uvula before it felt the heartburn]
Osmosis : I know that rumble! Come on, I know a shortcut.
Drix : I don't like the sound of that. Heartburn? That sign said Heartburn!
Osmosis : Yeah, I saw what it said. I could read.
[the car went inside the throat]
Drix : That's pure stomach acid! Are you mad? We'll be killed!
Osmosis : You got a better way?
Frank : What's the opposite of... inbound?
Bob : Outbound?
[Frank belches, making Ozzy and Drix close to the uvula]
Bob : Boy. Thanks for the warning, there, Prince Charles. Frank? Are you with me? Hello? Hey.
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Frank : Honey, the reason that monkeys eat so many fruits and vegetables is because they're not smart enough to butcher a cow. Your mother - God bless her soul - didn't believe the old-fashioned ideas about nursing and breast-feeding and all that. Uh-uh. You were fed cheeseburgers as a baby, and look at you. You're as big as a house, you're as strong as a bull, you smell like a cow. Your cholesterol's probably a little high, but they have medicince for that now; you can get an angioplasty, get it all cleared out.
