- President: [the President sniffs a piece of shrimp] Does this smell funny?
- Col. Buck Murdock: Nonesense, what could possibly be wrong with unrefridgerated shrimp?
- President: [Takes another sniff, then bites] I suppose you're right, just another classic example of my American nivete.
- [laughs then gasps]
- President: Oh my god, I've got diarrhea!
- Col. Buck Murdock: [flatly, not caring] Terrific.
- Maj. Landon West: [the Super Adventure Team is dressed and playing for the terrorists as KISS] Well, let's keep this party moving with a little change of pace.
- Terrorist: Freebird!
- Maj. Landon West: I'm sorry, uh... we don't know that.
- Col. Buck Murdock: ...There's bound to be a lot of panic. But no matter how long I scream, remember: I'm still in charge.
- Dr. Benton Criswell: [on kitties and puppies] Gentlemen, it is my scientific opinion that we are looking at four tons of cuddle!