- Chad: Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn't matter in the end. Inside they're all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.
- Howard: I get so used to saying what people want to hear I forget sometimes they might just want the truth.
- Chad: What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? I'll spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball!
- Chad: No matter what happens after it - jumped over for promotions, wife runs off with some biochemist, who knows what... But we would always have this thing to fall back on. We could always say, "Yeah, fine, but they never got me like we got her."
- Howard: Look at you! You are fucking handicapped! You think you can choose? Men falling at your feet?