Le Dîner de Cons (1998)
Francis Huster: Juste Leblanc
Photos
Quotes
-
François Pignon : Good evening, Mr. Leblanc. George Van Brueghel here. Sorry to bother you so late. I'm a Belgian producer, I just got in from Belgium, and I'm very interested in your novel...
Pierre Brochant : [prompting him] "The Merry-Go-Round".
François Pignon : "The Merry-Go-Round." I'd like to discuss buying the movie rights.
Juste Leblanc : Is this a joke?
François Pignon : Not at all. Why?
Juste Leblanc : Etienne?
François Pignon : What?
Juste Leblanc : Cut it out, I know it's you.
-
Pierre Brochant : You came.
Juste Leblanc : I felt bad leaving you alone.
François Pignon : He wasn't alone. I took care of him.
Pierre Brochant : Yes, and now you're leaving!
-
François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Brochant.
Pierre Brochant : Where does he live?
Juste Leblanc : He has a love nest, but as to the address...
François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Leblanc.
Juste Leblanc : Good night. It's very secretive. No one knows it.
François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Brochant!
Pierre Brochant : [irritably] Good night! There must be a way to find it.
François Pignon : Meneaux had a tax audit. Pascal Meneaux, advertising. I've seen his file at the Ministry. My pal's on his case. Meneaux has a love nest, but it's no secret. Not to us, anyway. Good night, Mr. Brochant.
Pierre Brochant : [to Juste] Get him back in here!
-
Pierre Brochant : What are you up to now?
Juste Leblanc : Still writing. And I've already got a published.
Pierre Brochant : What do you write?
Juste Leblanc : We'll talk later. I have bad news. She called. She was torn between coming here and making a huge mistake. I tried to convince her, but...
Pierre Brochant : What mistake?
Juste Leblanc : Going to Meneaux's place.
Pierre Brochant : What?
Juste Leblanc : Pascal Meneaux, from the advertising company. She must be there now.
-
Juste Leblanc : [leaving a voicemail] Pierre, it's Juste. I wondered about the Belgian weirdo, then realized you're looking for your wife. Ask me yourself, without the accent. Bye.
Pierre Brochant : [picking up] Juste? It's me. Where is she?
Juste Leblanc : I've waited two years for this. But I feel sorry for you.
Pierre Brochant : Don't. Just tell me if she's with you.
Juste Leblanc : She called to say she'd left you. She was very upset.
Pierre Brochant : Did she say where she was going?
Juste Leblanc : No.
Pierre Brochant : Where could she be?
Juste Leblanc : [laughing] It's painful, huh?
Pierre Brochant : You know exactly how I feel. But I've got a bad back, too!
Juste Leblanc : No kidding?
Pierre Brochant : You'd laugh if you saw me; bent over, unable to move.
Juste Leblanc : You want me to stop by?
Pierre Brochant : Thanks, but I'd rather be alone. Thanks again. Juste? You don't have to, but if she calls you again...
Juste Leblanc : I'll call you, I promise.
Pierre Brochant : Thanks. I don't deserve a friend like you.
-
Pierre Brochant : Meneaux's the worst!
Juste Leblanc : That's why she went. She's mad at you.
Pierre Brochant : That two-cent Romeo. She's crazy!
-
François Pignon : I'm not Etienne, I'm a producer from Brussels.
Juste Leblanc : What company?
François Pignon : Sorry?
Juste Leblanc : What's your company called?
François Pignon : [as he makes it up, Pierre face-palms] Flatland Films.
Juste Leblanc : Flatland Films?
François Pignon : A young, but dynamic company, Mr. Leblanc.
Juste Leblanc : And you're interested in my novel?
François Pignon : Very interested.
Juste Leblanc : For a movie or TV?
Pierre Brochant : [prompting him] A movie.
François Pignon : A movie, for the big screen. Not the small box!
Juste Leblanc : I want to do the screenplay myself.
François Pignon : [at Pierre's urging] No problem, Mr. Leblanc. But we're a small company with limited budgets. If you're not too greedy...
Pierre Brochant : What about my wife?
Juste Leblanc : We'll talk money later. When can I meet you, Mr...?
François Pignon : Van Breughel.
Pierre Brochant : [urging him to focus] My wife!
-
François Pignon : Sorry to disturb you, it's Van Breughel again.
Juste Leblanc : My agent's on the other line. I'll call you. What's your number?
François Pignon : 01.45.90.56.03.
[Pierre unplugs the phone]
François Pignon : Hello? Hello? He cut me off.
Pierre Brochant : I did, you idiot!
François Pignon : Idiot?
Pierre Brochant : [plugging the phone back in] You gave him my phone number!
François Pignon : Sure, he wants to call me back.
Pierre Brochant : You never stop, do you?
-
Juste Leblanc : I've got an idea. Listen to this. We scare Meneaux to make him come clean.
Pierre Brochant : How?
Juste Leblanc : You call and say you know everything, you're coming to wreck his place with three tough guys.
Pierre Brochant : Not bad.
Juste Leblanc : We'll know right away by the way he reacts.
François Pignon : A fine strategy!
Pierre Brochant : I can't call him. He knows my voice!
Juste Leblanc : He knows mine, too.
Lucien Cheval : And mine. I'm with him all day.
François Pignon : [they all turn to look at him] I think I'm going to be needed!
Pierre Brochant : [mortified at the thought] Oh, no!
Juste Leblanc : Only he can do it!
François Pignon : I really feel up to it!
Juste Leblanc : We'll coach him, and he'll do fine.
Pierre Brochant : Just wait and see!
-
François Pignon : Lucien, it's Francois!
Lucien Cheval : How's the big Auxerre fan?
François Pignon : I'm no die-hard, and the game's not over!
Lucien Cheval : Not over? You idiot! Two goals down and it's not over? Auxerre is a team of clowns, dickheads, and fuck-offs!
François Pignon : Yeah? Who got slaughtered last week? Up Marseilles' ass, ream it with class!
Lucien Cheval : Go fuck yourself!
François Pignon : You, too!
[hanging up]
François Pignon : What an asshole! Marseilles are turds, Marseilles are turds! Marseilles are turds! He's such a jerk!
[seeing Pierre and Juste's looks]
François Pignon : I'll call him back.
Juste Leblanc : He's in a league of his own.
Pierre Brochant : It's been like this for hours.
-
Pierre Brochant : Could you get us that address, Francois?
François Pignon : I'd have to call Cheval, and I'd hate to. He's watching football on TV.
[showing them a picture of one of his matchstick models]
François Pignon : An oil derrick.
Juste Leblanc : Superb. Did you see that?
Pierre Brochant : Yes.
François Pignon : Know what I called it? Beau Derrick. After the actress, Bo Derek! Beau Derrick, Bo Derek! We had such a laugh at the office!
Pierre Brochant : My wife is with a deadly sex fiend. Please call Cheval!
François Pignon : Let's wait 'til halftime.
Pierre Brochant : Why?
François Pignon : If the game's dicey, he'll tell me to buzz off. Wait for halftime.
Pierre Brochant : When is that?
François Pignon : Soon. We'd best watch the game. Got a TV?
Pierre Brochant : Not for football games!
François Pignon : It's a big game.
Pierre Brochant : Who cares?
[Juste calms him down]
Pierre Brochant : Sorry. The TV's in the den.
-
Juste Leblanc : [meeting Francois] He's a bit of an idiot!
Pierre Brochant : That's why I invited him.
Juste Leblanc : Is he the guy...?
Pierre Brochant : Yes! It's awful!
Juste Leblanc : No kidding! He's your dinner idiot?
Pierre Brochant : I've had it!
[Juste starts laughing]
Pierre Brochant : It's not funny!
Juste Leblanc : Sorry, but you with a bad back and a broken heart, stuck with this...
Pierre Brochant : [he continues laughing] Stop it!
Juste Leblanc : When she said she'd left you, I didn't laugh. But seeing you with that jerk...
[he continues laughing]
-
Pierre Brochant : He tossed out my wife!
François Pignon : I'm really sorry, Mr. Brochant.
Pierre Brochant : He drove her straight into Meneaux's arms!
François Pignon : Okay, I goofed. But anybody would have made that mistake.
Pierre Brochant : Get out, Mr. Pignon.
Juste Leblanc : No, Pierre. We need him. Call Cheval.
Pierre Brochant : I can't stand him!
François Pignon : I'm really sorry, Mr. Brochant. I wanted to help you so badly.
Juste Leblanc : It's halftime! We must call Cheval!
François Pignon : I'll make it up to you, Mr. Brochant. Tell me to call Cheval.
Juste Leblanc : Think of Christine! We must save her!
-
François Pignon : I'm calling because I need a favor.
Lucien Cheval : Okay, on one condition.
François Pignon : What?
Lucien Cheval : Shout, "Go, Marseilles, go!"
François Pignon : What?
Lucien Cheval : Let me hear you shout, "Go, Marseilles, go!"
Pierre Brochant : [Francois doesn't want to] You must!
Juste Leblanc : [prompting him] "Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go!"
Pierre Brochant , Juste Leblanc : Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go!
François Pignon : I'm doing this for you, Pierre.
[to Lucien as fast as he can]
François Pignon : Go, Marseilles, go.
Lucien Cheval : You must need a big favor.
-
Pierre Brochant : [reluctantly inviting Francois' co-worker over for dinner] We've got time to tape the game for that retard.
François Pignon : Cheval's no retard. He's our best inspector. Let him loose in this apartment, and he'll strip it!
Juste Leblanc : It might not be a good idea to let a tax inspector into your home.
-
Juste Leblanc : What's that wine?
Pierre Brochant : Lafitte Rothschild '78.
Juste Leblanc : Don't serve him such expensive wine!
Pierre Brochant : That's all I have.
Juste Leblanc : No table wine?
Pierre Brochant : No! I've worked like a dog so I wouldn't have to drink cheap wine! I only have great wines! Or water!
Juste Leblanc : Does Cheval know about wines?
François Pignon : You bet he does! You opened a fine bottle. He'll like that!
Juste Leblanc : Hear that? We've got a problem!
Pierre Brochant : I'll solve it. Just you wait.
-
Juste Leblanc : Who would tell us to call him? Someone who'd have the number to his love nest.
Lucien Cheval : His partner, Roussin, would. They're very close.
Juste Leblanc : Roussin it is.
Pierre Brochant : Why wouldn't he call himself? Why wouldn't Roussin call? It'll seem odd.
Lucien Cheval : Meneaux told me he's heading to L.A. tonight.
Juste Leblanc : Perfect! We're calling for Roussin who's on a plane.
-
Pierre Brochant : Sit down, Mr. Pignon. Repeat after me, "I'm calling for Mr. Roussin. He's on a plane, but has a message for you."
François Pignon : Okay.
Pierre Brochant : No, repeat it. Pretend I'm Meneaux and repeat what I said.
François Pignon : I've got it!
Pierre Brochant : Please, Mr. Pignon, repeat precisely.
François Pignon : "Hello, I'm calling for Mr. Roussin. He's on a plane, and has a message for you."
Juste Leblanc : Perfect!
Pierre Brochant : Not yet. You add, "Brochant knows everything."
[Francois moves to take the phone]
Pierre Brochant : No, repeat it!
Lucien Cheval : Come on, he's not stupid!
Pierre Brochant : "Brochant knows everything."
François Pignon : [parroting it back] "Brochant knows everything."
Pierre Brochant : Then you say, "He knows about his wife." If Meneaux asks who's speaking, you say, "A friend of Roussin's. Brochant's coming with three pals."
François Pignon : Huh. "He's with three of his toughest pals."
Lucien Cheval : He's talented!
François Pignon : I'm just parroting.
Juste Leblanc : He's excellent.
François Pignon : Could I improvise a bit?
Pierre Brochant : No!
François Pignon : Don't shout. You scared me.
Pierre Brochant : Just stick to what I told you.
-
Juste Leblanc : What are you doing?
Pierre Brochant : I'm putting vinegar in my Lafitte. Now we have cheap wine. There! A wino's delight! Taste it.
Juste Leblanc : You taste it!
François Pignon : [Pierre offers it to him] No, thanks.
Pierre Brochant : [taking a sip himself] Weird. It has more body.
Juste Leblanc : [taking a sip] Damn!
Pierre Brochant : It hasn't ruined it.
[taking another sip]
Pierre Brochant : I'd say it's better.
Juste Leblanc : Definitely.
-
Lucien Cheval : You been attached?
Pierre Brochant : No, why?
Lucien Cheval : Those light patches; pantings have been removed.
François Pignon : He doesn't miss a trick. You're fabulous, Lucien!
Juste Leblanc : You came to help or audit him?
François Pignon : He came to help! Right? Hurry! Poor Mr. Brochant is in a fix!
Lucien Cheval : Yeah, poor Mr. Brochant... sure, Meneaux's quite the jerk, but as we say, "dogs only go for bitches." Here we are. Barrès St. Near the park. 37 Barrès St.
François Pignon : In Neuilly.
Pierre Brochant : Great! I'm off.
Juste Leblanc : Wait, make sure she's there! Don't go 'til you're sure of it.
Lucien Cheval : He won't open the door. He's sneaky.
Pierre Brochant : I'll kick it open.
Juste Leblanc : What if she's not there? Then what?
François Pignon : We could call him.
Pierre Brochant : To ask if my wife's in his bed, snug under his quilt?
-
Pierre Brochant : You told him I was your friend! He wouldn't go to work on me.
François Pignon : Cheval would audit his own mother!
Juste Leblanc : [indicating a painting on the wall] Is that a copy?
François Pignon : If you're clean, if your artworks were declared, you'll be fine. What'll we feed him?
Pierre Brochant : I've got frozen stuff and eggs.
François Pignon : I'll make him a nice omelet!
Pierre Brochant : [moving to take the painting off the wall] Give me a hand.
Juste Leblanc : Watch your back. Where do we put it?
Pierre Brochant : We'll put everything in my room.
[Juste starts laughing]
Pierre Brochant : Stop laughing!
Juste Leblanc : That idiot managed to drive your wife to adultery and to get you audited!
-
Pierre Brochant : Francois Pignon, Marlene.
François Pignon : Marlene?
Pierre Brochant : Who did you toss out earlier?
François Pignon : Marlene.
Marlène Sasseur : What?
Pierre Brochant : This is Marlene. Who did you toss out?
[Juste starts laughing]
Pierre Brochant : If this is so funny, get out!
Juste Leblanc : Sorry.
Pierre Brochant : A blonde in a beige raincoat?
François Pignon : You said, "That nut will show up!". A woman shows up, I figure it's the nut!
Marlène Sasseur : What nut?
Juste Leblanc : [laughing harder] I'll be back.
-
Lucien Cheval : Interesting room.
Pierre Brochant : A storage room, where I keep my old things.
Lucien Cheval : It's awful, but I don't care!
François Pignon : What is?
Lucien Cheval : He's a tax dodger, and I don't care!
François Pignon : Get a hold of yourself. Run home and take a shower. Want the tape of the football game?
Lucien Cheval : I'm in no mood for that. Goodbye, Mr. Leblanc.
Juste Leblanc : Goodbye, Mr. Cheval.
Lucien Cheval : Goodbye Mr. Brochant.
Pierre Brochant : Goodbye, Mr. Cheval. Thanks for all your help.
Lucien Cheval : Don't mention it. We'll meet again soon. I'm going to audit you. All this is suspect.
Pierre Brochant : [watching him leave] He recovered pretty fast.