Addams Family Values (1993)
Peter MacNicol: Gary Granger
Photos
Quotes
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Wednesday : I don't want to be in the pageant.
Gary : Don't you want to help me realize my vision?
Wednesday : Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.
Gary : Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.
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Gary : [to the Campers] Lifesaving! Now I know we're all top-notch little swimmers, but now we get to show our stuff and earn those certificates! Hey, how about our first little pair of lifesaving buddies? Amanda, Wednesday?
Amanda : Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday : Is that your overbite?
Gary : Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda : I'll be the victim!
Wednesday : All your life.
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Gary : [blows whistle] Attention! Hey! Listen up, everybody! I'm Gary Granger!
Becky : And I'm Becky Martin-Granger!
Gary : We're the owners and directors here at Camp Chippewa. America's foremost facility for privileged young adults.
Becky : And we're all here to learn, to grow, and to just plain have fun!
Gary : 'Cause that's what being privileged is all about!
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Gary : [opens cabin door] Mail call.
[handing out mail]
Gary : Addams!
Becky : [handing out mail] Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Wednesday : Oh, no.
Pugsley : What is it?
Wednesday : This is unspeakable.
Becky : Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
Wednesday : This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
Gary : A wedding? But that's great news!
Amanda : To whom?
Wednesday : The nanny.
Amanda : Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'd kill myself. The help?
Becky : I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
Amanda : I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Pugsley : [menacingly] What did you say?
Becky : Campers! Group hug!
Gary : Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
Wednesday : We don't hug.
Becky : Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley : We're not shy.
Wednesday : We're contagious.
Gary : I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Camp Children : Mm-hmm.
Gary : But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.
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Wednesday : Hurry up!
Pugsley : I'm coming.
Joel : Wait!
Wednesday : Who's there?
Joel : Be careful. Tetanus.
[siren sounds]
Amanda : [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children] There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary : Children, what do you think you're doing?
Wednesday : We have to see our family. It's very important.
Becky : More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary : And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
Joel : I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Becky : [mockingly] Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?
Joel : Yes.
Amanda : I think they should be punished.
[starts chanting]
Amanda : Punish!
Camp Children : [chanting along with Amanda] Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!
Becky : No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary : Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
Joel : What?
Camp Children : [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda] Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
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[Wednesday reads the letter in her hand]
Wednesday : "Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."
Gary : [impatiently] Glicker, go!
[Joel gives up and flings the arrow at the ground]
Becky : Good try!
[Joel goes to the end of the line, as Pugsley takes the bow, and Wednesday finishes reading]
Wednesday : "When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.
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Gary : Children, stop it! You're destroying my text!